SECRETS LOCKED WITHIN

The locked steel box lies heavy upon my lap

Who’d have thought that paper could weigh so much

Secrets lay within its dark confines I must unwrap

A turn of the small silver key opens the lid with the lightest touch

The scent of aging paper takes me back in time

To “Big Chief” tablets, pencil shavings, blackboards of slate and pieces of chalk

Those scratchy crinoline skirts, lace anklets and black and white oxfords that shine

Least not forget the penny candy store just down the block

One document in particular is what I search for

Laying quietly hidden away for over 5 decades

Gently I withdraw a yellowing envelope crinkled and torn

Time worn paper soft as cotton with ink that is fading

Breathless…with pounding heart and shaking hands

I withdraw the long hidden treasure of my past

A document with many legal words and a Judges signature of command

With a swipe of a pen it changes who I am first and last

A birth name that I was given and a mother I never knew

I always thought this information would help fill a void

Visions of a different life I could have had came full view

Instead a larger chasm was left within, so many questions to employ

Years of feeling disconnected from life

The adopted kid who wasn’t as special as the others

School pictures not included, but kept out of sight

My life to them a dirty secret to keep hidden

To live within a family that leaves you feeling empty

Photo albums of past and present with no one that looks like me

An outsider that is always looking in, slowly filling with contempt

Not even in my dreams can I unlock a long gone memory

Within my hands now lays a name I never knew

Something real, a person unlike no other…my mother

Born to a woman/child who really didn’t know what to do

The thought that this long lost box held my future made me shudder

From out of an aging steel box I found a key to my past

A name I never carried, a mother I never hugged

This small silver key unlocked many secrets so fast

I’ll have to treat gently this knowledge and not prejudge

Tread lightly upon this overgrown path of old

As much as I like to know of my past, I may have to let sleeping dogs lie

Another’s life must be considered, having chosen her past untold

To upset the balance of another’s life for selfish reasons I can’t justify

Maybe it’s best to turn and walk away empty handed

I still have the knowledge of a life prior to this one

Someday I may not have to be just an island

I still have names to remind me of how my life began.

Dee

© February 2008