You sit in dark obscurity watching me, watching you, and we watch each other in quiet silence in the dark and alone, only because we’re silent. Rhymes lost in alliteration of repeated consonants meaning nothing, and without intended expression monosyllables… of incomplete words reflecting absent thoughts that aren’t there. I think you and I, the two of us, grammatical infectors of every day communication, are like a lousy poem no one wants to read, except for you and I, the two of us, till we’re sick of it but we’re afraid with fear of an ending far worse than the beginning when it started, and so we sit silently in the dark, saying nothing.
This made me think of a poem I wrote: "dysfunctional poetry". I have really enjoyed the way you crafted this piece and the way you compared "bad poetry" to a difficult or troubled relationship.
Axilea
Reviewed by neerja gandhi (Reader)
Reviewed on May 1, 2008
very well said and expressed.When people get bored of life,they try to find solace in each-others companionship and turn to fancies.Great!!! very thoughtful indeed.
I just have #3 words for this!
Just Be HOnest!
Great reflection of the unknowing!
Keep on writing!
Good, Bad, thoughtful, sexy,
Etc.
Just get it out!
- One mans junk is another ones treasure-
WArmly, WArrior Lady Sheeeoox
YOur heart is true
I like that about you!
I started tracking you!
See you soon1
Stay Strong!
STay Happy and POsitive!
Such truth in these words written. Only I believe do we not grow in our errors. Sometime to bring forth a breath of golden silence rewarding us in perfection in a poem. Carmen, I love your work. And, will continue to drop by from time to time viewing it.
I loved this...I think we've all been there and done that...I was browsing through some old poems just this morning, I did stumble across one or two that I written from a great inspiration, and then one or two I couldn't believe that I had written...who knows though what we esteem as bad, others may love. After all that's how poetry goes. Again, I loved this, anxious to read more of your work.
Blessings,
Joyce Bowling
Reviewed by Jill Carpenter (Reader)
Reviewed on March 2, 2006
Very nice. I enjoyed this one tremendously!
It was fun to read aloud too. I've sent this link out to some friends. I have an idea they will enjoy it as much as I did. :o)
Jill
Powerful and speaks volumes, Carmen! Very neatly constructed and conveyed with the objectivity that befits the mood. Yet this makes an emotional impact that is so poignant - especially with the music. Such sadness and pathos here. A very sophisticated write - nothing like the "bad poem/satire" mentioned in the title! Bravo! TY Kate xx
If writers block could be described as a stranger in the night, you got it right on target Sis. Our coffee is still sitting at the Blue Bottle getting cold, isn't it? LOL
I know that you know that I am reading this and you know that I know that you know I am reading this. Between the jambs of an enjambment I have to say the piece surpasses anything Rumsfeld ever did Carmen. Wonderful satire on the windbaggery of may establised poets.
Ian
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Reviewed on August 11, 2004
As so it begins . . . This is the end, my friend . . . Very, very good, Carmen.
Carmen, this is priceless! lol
Bad is very very good - Incommunicado as inspired wit.
Reviewed by Thomas Lanechanger (Reader)
Reviewed on August 10, 2004
Excellent work Carmen! Some of the best moments that two can share and treasure are the absolute silence and solace, yet, because communication is the key to any successful relationship lasting, one must never give up using that vital attribute. Outstanding work, my friend!
There is no mystery on this journey to hell. You are witness to the crimes dealing out the death sentences... each justified by one of the seven deadly sins.
Enter a glamorous world controlled by one of San Francisco's ultra-wealthy socialites an
Jack Brennan is hired by a group of ultra rich English aristocrats to kidnap four top IRA terrorists. The contract is time limited but do the financial rewards justify the risk?
Goldie's daughter Chili Pepper leaves the Flirting With Food TV show & moves to Portland Oregon as Executive Chef at a new restaurant. But there is a rash of murders, all in the Pettygrove mansion where she lives with roommates.
alone, only because
we’re silent."
Haven't we all felt this way, some time or another? Beautiful. One poem, and you've got me hooked.
Axilea
Just Be HOnest!
Great reflection of the unknowing!
Keep on writing!
Good, Bad, thoughtful, sexy,
Etc.
Just get it out!
- One mans junk is another ones treasure-
WArmly, WArrior Lady Sheeeoox
YOur heart is true
I like that about you!
I started tracking you!
See you soon1
Stay Strong!
STay Happy and POsitive!
Blessings,
Joyce Bowling
It was fun to read aloud too. I've sent this link out to some friends. I have an idea they will enjoy it as much as I did. :o)
Jill
"Rhymes lost in
alliteration
of repeated consonants
meaning nothing"
Excellent!
you wouldn't know how to write a bad poem if one came up and bit you in the rump :)
this one is a keeper--most excellent!
(((HUGS))) and love, karla. :)
TRASK
well done Carmen
Thank you for sharing this - a great bit of writing ... well done!
Robert
the silence and begin to live or you go to seperate corners and die
enjoyed this lady
blessin's
cynth'ya
Ian
I have enjoyed the reading of a true poetic expression.
Long healthy life, Sublime Poet!
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
Love Tinka
(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
You penned a golden gem, love the music with it!
Bad is very very good - Incommunicado as inspired wit.
Reindeer
Well Done, Carmen.