Hi. My name is Alex and I am a habitual liar. I go around saying things like…

Tom Cruise is my dad,
Brock Lesnar is my bodyguard,
I can run rings around Usain Bolt,
I was the man on the grassy knoll,
I’ve slept with Beyoncé Knowles,
I taught Jackie Chan everything he knows
(But I didn’t teach him everything I know),
Spiderman got caught in a tangled web,
Elizabeth Taylor has never wed,
Roses are blue and violets are red,
I invented the World Wide Web,
Mother Teresa was richer than billionaire Ted,
Elton John and Ellen Degeneres are getting married,
I’ve got a diamond bigger than the Pink Panther,
The Best Hip Hop Album Award goes to Bill Gaither!
I can rap faster that Twista,
The judge’s verdict on Bill Clinton was that “Viagra works”,
No, honey, you don’t look fat in that,
The cheque’s in the mail,
I wasn’t laughing AT you, I was laughing WITH you,
I can stop smoking any time I want to

And so on…

But the biggest lie I’ve ever told
Was when I told everyone I know
That I never loved you
And your leaving didn’t mean a thing
Because the day you left was the darkest day of my life
And all the lies were an attempt to cover up the void inside.
In fact, if I wrote the story of my life
And failed to confess my love for you
And the book somehow turned out to be worth its weight in gold,
Then it would be THE GREATEST LIE THAT’S EVER BEEN SOLD!

(c) Alex N Nderitu