A FIRST DRAFT - SPOKEN WORD 


I questioned so many times

what happened and why

Then time went by...

Now I look back with 

an altered vision 

and vastly different views

I don't need to paint the past

with whitewash

to cover that I was bruised.

It was so good when it was good

and so dark and dreadful in the end

In those final moments

death fought with hope

and hope was so damaged

it felt like it could never mend.

I remember the feelings

of rank rejection

and gaping emptiness

The tears, the wretched moans

an aching body wracked with pain

The overwhelming feeling

you get when you know 

You just get it...

...you're alone.

The letting go was hard

when my hands

had tightened into fists

I'd gripped so hard onto an illusion

that evaporated like mist.

And when the air yawned

and the battlefield cleared

The blood-stained earth

relinquished everything

I'd feared 

and then...

The moment arrived,

-the tipping point-

When I wondered

if it was worth it

And it was

Because, in the end

it always is...

And there is no loss

©Chanti Niven 2014