This is my first stab at erotica. Please, be kind.
under a rough and tattered patchwork quilt you waited
the smell of cinnamon exhaust and pure fallen woman hits my nose like a two ton heavy thing
in the dimness you lay in that sweet and hazy state between dreams and weary wakefullness
exhaust smell fading and your scent rising like gabriel's finger through egypt and there is no blood on your doorway
it draws me near and you smile in knowing dreaminess and i see that one game had finished and another begins
the slickness on your tools leave a trail for me to follow and i smile for your preparations
i small wince of envy touches my cheek and i wish my own drive was battery operated but it passes as i know this will only quicken our pace
under the blanket your shape suggests gentle waves but promises thunder
drawing back your veil your dreaminess becomes wicked anticipation and your divine stink invades my pores like a serpent in the garden
without words you rise hand still perched where my eyes can't follow and below you a shadow of moisture spreading making the spot where we will make an altar of sin
with delicate brutality your ballet hands tear cloth from my flesh and leaves me chilled with heat then turning with a murderer's smile those hands hold the headboard like claws
and peering over your shoulder you invite me in...
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Reviews of "my first erotic poem (one for sue hess)"
Reviewed by Ryan Blood (Reader)
Reviewed on March 20, 2006
wow...
so sensual and sexy and primal. like many others, i adored "under the blanket/your shape suggests/gentle waves/but promises/thunder"
and i'm not turned off by the use of "stink," i think it adds to the bare-bones-no-frills imagery, and totally blends in. well done!
wow, i'm breathing heavier than i was when i started this...and i am not offended by the term stink...we all know sex has its very own smell and although i don't think of it as stink...i get the idea that you don't mean it in a negative way, very down to earth yet sensuous...thank you kind sir
I thought about some erotica for Sue, but this one, Alex is way too good for me to even think about outdoing...hope she appreciates the power this one exudes...Ed
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so sensual and sexy and primal. like many others, i adored "under the blanket/your shape suggests/gentle waves/but promises/thunder"
and i'm not turned off by the use of "stink," i think it adds to the bare-bones-no-frills imagery, and totally blends in. well done!
are a natural! I think
you should try your hand in this
genre more often!
The imagery--so many classic, inviting lines, my favorite stanza is
"...under the blanket
your shape suggests
gentle waves
but promises
thunder...." OH my--GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!
BRAVA!!!!!!!!!!!
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. :)
under the blanket
your shape suggests
gentle waves
but promises
thunder
lol the reference to "stink" was sort of a turn off LOL sorry!
Maybe its a male thing/word lol
but all in all.............cool stuff :)
lol still laffing about the stink lol