The Snot Police

As I drove home last Thursday night,
My eyes beheld an awesome sight;
There was a man in a bright yellow Volvo
A finger in his nose right up to his elbow!

The man, to me, looked vaguely familiar;
What he was doing looked rather peculiar;
Picking one's nose is intolerably gruesome,
The Volvo made it a gruesome twosome.

I pulled up quick and did a U-ey,
Slipped in a puddle of something gooey
I looked at the road, I saw the slick,
The snot everywhere made me feel rather sick.

I spun my wheels in the glutinous tar,
Straightened her up and chased after the car.
Hot on his heels, I hunched my shoulders
Dodging boogers as big as boulders!

I turned a corner, dodging snot,
I couldn't believe how much snot he'd got!
The human body can't match this pace
This guy must be from outer space!

I punched a number on my mobile phone
Hoping my Snot Police were home;
"Snot Police" came the invocation
"State your name and your true location".

"I'm travelling east on highway two
Dodging snot slicks as sticky as glue,
The offenders Volvo's in front of me
The license reads S-N-O-T !!"

"I say again, please state your name!"
The Snot Police asked me again.
"My name is Detective Inspector Quigly,
Now please dispatch a Snot Squad quickly!!"

"Of course, sir, immediately, excellent choice,
Sorry I didn't recognise your voice.
Scramble Snot Squad on the run!!
Join pursuit with Snot Chief One".

The Snot Squad came to take up the chase
I slowed and let them handle the case
They skilfully dodged the offending slop
And soon forced the Volvo to come to a stop.

The Snot Police stopped and jumped from the wagon,
They wore rubber suits in case of a slag-on,
Their guns were all aimed at the snot-maker's head
The squad leader raised his bull-horn and said:

"Please exit the vehicle, hands in the air"
The man got out - was arrested right there.
They read him his rights, they were thorough but brief
Then gave him a clean, white handkerchief.

The offender was given an on-the-spot fine
A mop and a bucket to clean up his crime.
He got enough tissues to last him a year
And anti-biotics to help his head clear.

So if you're driving one bright, sunny day
And you carelessly let your old forefinger stray
Remember to watch for the flashing green lights
When the Snot Police get you right in their sights!