Presented with apologies to Santa. I have no real evidence that he has a substance abuse problem. This is just my warped sense of humor.

 

Christmas came early
(At a quarter to three)
and brought a little magic
to my ol' lady and me.
In a tiny little flat,
on the bad side of town,
A jolly ol' elf
happened to touch down.

With a ha! and a Ho!
and a "Yip-yip-yippi!
Ol' Santa fell down
our old chimney.
A pint of Jack Daniels
stuck in his belt,
he wobbled around,
in his suit of red velvet.

He laid a finger
beside his nose
and gave me a wink
spinning on his toes.
"I'm a little lit,"
he hastened to say.
'tell me, is it close
Christmas Day?

I looked at my calander,
October the twelfth.
and opened the 'fridge,
for a beer off the shelf.
"Right again, Santa,"
I tossed him a brew,
"What's in your bag?
Any thing new?"

His eyes were bloodshot
and he smelled of pot,
But he dug in his sack
and gave me a lot.
A new DVD, and
movies galore.
a new play station
I set up on the floor.

New Street-walking Barbie
and iguana skin boots.
A hot wheels garage
and an Indian flute.
I was in heaven,
With a wide screen TV.
I thanked ol' Santa
for comin' to see me.

He said, "It's no big thing--
just keepin' it real.
Peace, I'm out,
enjoy your thrill."
"Sure, You're right ," I hollered,
as he left in a flash,
back to the roof
with a curse and a crash.

I woke up my ol' lady
with a kiss and a shout
Her eyes popped wide
And we danced about.
Then in the bed room
She blew my mind as
Christmas came early
a second time.