A very heartfelt write. If I haven't read this wrong, I'm suspecting that this is your mother that your are talking about. There are moments in life that we do not understand why things would happen the way they did. When my grandfather died in his sleep, no one even told me that he would not wake up, I was only about 6-/12 years old, and was waiting all morning for my grandfather to wake up and hold me, but he never woke up. I saw everyone was crying and people "assume" that I knew what was going on, and I was criticized for not crying when grandpa died by the adults. But they did not even realized I had no clue of what was happening. When I finally realized my grandpa would never wake up, then I realized that he was gone forever; and yes that feeling of loss is almost like being "abandoned" by someone I love, and who loves me.

Sandie