We were not rich, in fact by today's standards, we were poor... 

my mother did days work...scrubbing white folks floors.   

I remember her erect back...oozing of vie... 

which supported a heavy set figure...5 feet 1&1/2 in. high 

You didn't mess with my mother...you just didn't 

and if you were feeling your wheaties and ventured...you lived to rue it .   

She didn't stand for no back talk...please don't try to explain... 

you just  kept your mouth shut...and bore the pain. 

She ruled the house...my dad only spoke up when he had a drink 

and though they did  argue...most of the time the atmosphere... was an off-color pink.   

Readily, she poured out her philosophies...in the midst of her strict and rigid ways 

and her rules for living that proved true stayed with me...even up until today. 

"If you find one true friend...you're lucky"...she'd forever say... 

"so don't call anybody a 'friend'...and don't bring them this way."   

Then there was..."don't go visiting...running in and out of peoples house... 

'cause familiarity breeds contempt...and they don't really like you...no how." 

Now there's one thing that she would say that left me in a complete daze... 

she'd always say, "I love you...but I hate your ways."   

For years as a child...I stood at confusion's gate 

because, for the life of me...its meaning I couldn't differentiate. 

When I became a teenager, I chucked it all and took off on a quest... 

searching for my 'knight in shining armor' with an overflowing 'love' chest.  

I wanted to find  someone that cared...anyway I could 

but blind, stupid me...I tell you, life taught me 'real'  good.  

I was one messed up individual...this I  do know   

yet, from a pile of discarded kindling...a torch now glows. 

God infuses me to pen to those who search for love...in the dark 

with kind words He draws them into His light and the blind...see...hark!  

I know...you're expecting me to end this poem on a fairytale note   

but I can't lie, we didn't grow closer...nor did our differences become remote. 

However, there is a fact that I cannot deny... 

I came to respect the feelings between her and I.  

The way we felt towards each other...was honest...we didn't have to pretend...

for we accepted that, like oil and water...we were never friends 

To this sad fact, at some time or another, we both concurred... 

yet, I know she loved me and regardless of it all, still...I  loved her.

1Jn 4:8, Rom 8:28

 copyright; 2009jmsbell