The perfect Santa,
don't drink no Fanta,
he downs 150 proof,
tip toes on your roof.
Doesn't dare slip,
every Christmas he makes
a perfect trip.

He has a 45 under his coat,
pocket bombs with a remote.
His sleigh is loaded,
try to steal it,
Santa can exploded.
Rudolf and the rest,
all wear bullet proof vest.

Santa also packs an uzi in his sleigh,
just in case it's not a colt 45 day.
It's not hard to guess,
Santa doesn't take no mess.
Forget checking the list twice,
if you're bad,
Santa will put you on ice.

The perfect Santa,
don't offer him
no fanta.

One