Some things mean more…

Hi Ed,

I was able to burn my CD's without a problem. Here are the steps you should follow:

1) Select a nice clear area in your backyard

2) Forage around your neighborhood for lots of dead, dry wood, and make a large pile of said wood in the area mentioned in step 1 above.

3) Carefully lay as many CD's as you wish to burn on the center of the pile of wood mentioned in step 2 above. Keep in mind that your CD's will likely burn in a bottom-to-top sequence.

4) Pour gasoline all over the pile of wood mentioned in step 2 above and all over the CD's mentioned in step 3 above. For best results, do not spill gasoline on your pants or shoes, but if you do, don't worry about it.

5) Ideally, you would not have chosen a steep hill for the area mentioned in step 1 above, but if you are that naive, then--just for kicks--stand on the downhill side as you pour liberal quantities of the gasoline mentioned in step 4 above on the pile of wood mentioned in step 2 above.

6) Stand back about ten feet from the pile of wood mentioned in step two above. Take your shirt off, get your lighter out, and set said shirt on fire.

7) Gingerly toss the burning shirt mentioned in step 6 above onto the pile of wood mentioned in step 2 above.

8) Scream, "burn, baby, burn!" at the top of your lungs. If you had chosen the optional "just for kicks" variation mentioned in step 5 above, then you might want to run as fast as you can away from the pile of wood mentioned in step 2 above, because not only are your CD's burning, but you probably are too.

I hope this helped, Ed. This is the only sure-fire way of burning CD's that I know.

Your friend, Scott