Bang! Bang! Who shot me down like an un-licensed Pariah Dog!
IF EVER I HAD A COUNTRY: LXXIX - Bang! Bang! Who Shot Me Down like an Un-licensed Dog !
IF ever I had a country, a country certainly
not subject to the whistle of a Woman Referee -- even of a Video Assistant Referee - where bullets whistle supersonic from trigger-happy automatic weaponry
And if ever I were called upon by common consent
of the House of Reps, the Senate and the Chief Executive - yes all three - to take into my sole healing hands the duty of imposing SILENCE in the pistol-packing « bang-bang » Land of the Free
I would first and foremost send a Special Envoy - well-trained in the art of extracting gold from rotten teeth - to persuade the Nobel Committee (with besides a caveat to pressure the Swedish PM and Chief Justice from issuing a « non-ingérence » edict) to stay forthwith the conferment of the Nobel Prize to authors and poets for a century (writers who in any case would have secured by attaining their senior age ALL the principal publisher-controlled and mutually-rotated prizes and who would have by that pinnacle-age amassed gigantesque ill-gotten gains through royalties) and instead implore the Nob-Com to let my country have the equivalent in weight of DYNAMITE in the care and production of the Alfred Nobel family
Next, I’ll charter all PAQUEBOTS, such as, the Queen Mary, the Queen Elizabeth - even the newly-salvaged and to be refurbished Titanic - and then I’ll have their hulls loaded and packed to the brim with the Nobel Dynamite, and will I not then appoint ? the fifteen-year-old THUNBERG as the Admiral-of-the-Fleet and will I not let it out ? to ALL 300-million or more gun-owners yearning for some much-needed target practice the right to free-passage on these luxury liners together with their legally-acquired NRA-authorized automatic « man-mowers » — all for the noble cause of annihilating from Europe thick, stumpy teens or hags who block all passages, side-walks, mall-halls, zebra-crossings, railway and airport entrances, y comprise « la plus belle avenue du Monde: les Champs-Elysées » with their "ambling-rambling » gait - for a hard-to-miss target-drilling spree
And then, when the licensed gun-owners trample over one another and their trillion-strong hunting-gear to get on board, all itching-ready to pump molten-lead into bulging, pulpy and thick-tough flesh, I’ll order Admiral Thunberg to set course for GREENLAND under the pretext of getting and honing-in some target practice while sampling the local brand of ICE-CREAM laced with polar-bear and ermine blood, while all 50,000 Danish citizens line the shores to welcome the NRA-supporters with their automatics, I’d issue an ultimatum to His/Her Royal Danish Majesty once the hunting-corps take up strategic positions on Danish iced-soil to SELL the ISLE for less than 10% of the sum offered by Harry TRUMAN after WWII or ELSE face up to the aurora borealis detonation - through remote satellite control - of solid Swedish Nobel dynamite and face up to the fury of my NRA-Army
YES, Siree ! That’s what I’d do if ever I were appointed the SOLE REFEREE by Congressional decree
And this, even if I never ever had no country ruled by the moule ŕ gaufre/waffle iron of mighty musketry
(c) T. Wignesan - Paris, August 17, 2019
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Reviews of "IF EVER I HAD A COUNTRY : LXXIX -Bang! Bang! Who Shot Me Down like a Pariah"
URGENT MESSAGE to Dr. Edward PHILLIPS of the
You-Knighted-States : « Sir ! ACCEPTED with millions of THANKS ! Please send the Nobel Prize Money at the rate of, say, 2 to 3 million $ per year for the rest of the 21st Century amounting to, at least, some €250 million in total to my postal account in France POST HASTE ! On second thoughts, Hold on, considering the enormous difficulties your no-less-humble recipient experiences almost on a daily basis with the postal authorities over here, he would prefer that you hang on to the sum, for the moment, and make all haste to purchase Mar-ŕ-Lago in time for the next G7 in the recipient’s name and deploy all efforts to wire every bed-room, bath-room, rest-room, conference-room, swimming-pool and corridor, y compris the golf course, with recording audio and video devices in order to capture every word, gesture and faux pas for the future delectation of Mankind ! ADDENDUM: Lest the leader of the shunned country, « ***** » by name be invited to re-compose the G8 (forgive me for not using his sacré nom: « ***** » - out of respect for all the great writers his country has given to World Lit.) - and despite the French penchant for swearing by his name in this Great Gaul of a Gone Kingdom morning-day-and-night by every man, woman and child in the presence of every Divinity ! PLEASE HOLD ON TO THE EXCESS CASH FOR FURTHER DIRECTIONS ! Thank you kindly. "
Some hot slicing satire showing all of the fallacies of our blunderer/plunderer in chief in his desperate attempt to make a mark for his presidency other than being a champion of people mower politics. As far as I know, no one ever got a Nobel Prize for pressuring the Nobel family.
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The NRA is finding it "disgusting" that Walmart will not sell people mowers anymore. The poor hunters will not be able to exercise their Second Amendment rights. Have you ever eaten venison that was filled with pulverized bone fragments and other viscera from 50 bullet strikes in a few seconds rendering the deer cleanly killed, but its deerskin worthless except as the bottom of a vegetable colander.
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You-Knighted-States : « Sir ! ACCEPTED with millions of THANKS ! Please send the Nobel Prize Money at the rate of, say, 2 to 3 million $ per year for the rest of the 21st Century amounting to, at least, some €250 million in total to my postal account in France POST HASTE ! On second thoughts, Hold on, considering the enormous difficulties your no-less-humble recipient experiences almost on a daily basis with the postal authorities over here, he would prefer that you hang on to the sum, for the moment, and make all haste to purchase Mar-ŕ-Lago in time for the next G7 in the recipient’s name and deploy all efforts to wire every bed-room, bath-room, rest-room, conference-room, swimming-pool and corridor, y compris the golf course, with recording audio and video devices in order to capture every word, gesture and faux pas for the future delectation of Mankind ! ADDENDUM: Lest the leader of the shunned country, « ***** » by name be invited to re-compose the G8 (forgive me for not using his sacré nom: « ***** » - out of respect for all the great writers his country has given to World Lit.) - and despite the French penchant for swearing by his name in this Great Gaul of a Gone Kingdom morning-day-and-night by every man, woman and child in the presence of every Divinity ! PLEASE HOLD ON TO THE EXCESS CASH FOR FURTHER DIRECTIONS ! Thank you kindly. "
Someone has given the Donald a history lesson on the Louisiana purchase and Seward's Folly. How the United States got some of its most precious lands on the cheap. If he could pull off this real estate deal, knowing that the ice on Greenland will disappear, giving mining companies free reign to extract all of the precious geological reserves there that have never been tapped, he would be a hero president from here on and his dynasty would prosper (like the Kennedys?). Fat chance.
The NRA is finding it "disgusting" that Walmart will not sell people mowers anymore. The poor hunters will not be able to exercise their Second Amendment rights. Have you ever eaten venison that was filled with pulverized bone fragments and other viscera from 50 bullet strikes in a few seconds rendering the deer cleanly killed, but its deerskin worthless except as the bottom of a vegetable colander.
Ron