It Hurts Too Bad Today

I tried to look at your picture today,

but just couldn’t seem to bear

your handsome face looking back at me,

with that damn perma grin you used to wear.

It hurts too bad today, much more than other days.

It came on fast, and out of the blue.

Once again, grief has me in his grip,

and I don’t know what to do.

The pain is not much better

even though some time has gone by.

I expect a lifetime of pain to come.

Who knew there were that many tears to cry?

You weren’t supposed to go this soon.

It's what I say to myself each day.

Even though I know it was not my call,

I can’t help but think that it went the wrong way.

You were supposed to come over and play with my kids.

You were their uncle and my big brother.

I was looking forward to hearing you say again,

how weird it was that your little sis was now a mother.

I miss you so much; I think it will kill me.

I know that it won’t since going on...is what we’ll all do.

But could you do me a favor if you get this dear brother?

Tell Daddy that I am missing him too.

I hope that when you left us,

you found him arms wide open, waiting for you.

It is a thought that gives me peace,

and that’s good...but I often wonder...

what should the rest of us do?

We who are left are too bruised and sad,

to turn to each other just yet.

But maybe some day before it’s too late

we will all realize that we should have done just that...before you left.

I guess is it prayer that will save us

and tears that will keep us flowing along.

But what is life supposed to be like now?

Everything is going downhill, or actually...is already gone.

Even though it hurts too bad today,

I think I will go look at your picture now.

I need to see that handsome face and damn perma grin of yours;

I know I’ll get through it, even though I don’t know how.

And who knows, maybe today will be

the day that a smile will appear.

It will be so big that the warmth of it

will fill my soul, and dry my tears.