'Twas the eve before Christmas
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring
But our great dane, Mouse.

Our stockings were hung
On the mantle with flair,
While everyone was glad
We weren't dispatched somewhere.

When out on the lawn
We heard a great clatter!
The flamingoes had all fallen!
They'd mysteriously shattered!

Then down through the chimney
With a dubious plop,
Came a yuletide visitor
Running from cops.

"Good God!" we did gasp,
As he gave a long groan,
"What are we to do?"
"Quick, get the phone!"

With eyes open wide
We watched him unfold
And reach for his head
With 9-11 on hold.

"Don't move!" he soon ordered
And we froze in our places,
Our muscles were stiff
And green were our faces.

"I'm not here to harm you,"
He swore with a grimace,
"And I'll kindly explain
If you'll just let me finish."

"It's now Christmas Eve
And I'm still miles from home,
To Jersey they sent me,
But I'm from San Antone."

"Like you I'm a trucker,
And a new dad as well;
To reach home tonight
My soul I would sell."

"So my Cat was wide open
As I flew down the road,
When what should appear
From out of the cold?"

"Blue lights were blazin',
The siren did wail;
And I thought to myself,
Shit, damn and oh hell!"

"Down went my pedal,
My speed it did climb,
In my mind I still wondered
If I'd make it in time."

"Then on up ahead
I saw with dismay
A whole line of blue lights,
And they weren't there to play!"

"With muscle and grit
I turned on a lunge,
And made an off ramp
Where once there was none."

"But my truck wasn't made
For four-wheelin' abuse,
And I knew in a flash
That it wasn't much use."

"Then all of a sudden
My eyes they did spy
An ordinary house
With four rigs in the drive!"

"For the first time I smiled
And felt such relief
For here was a place
I could bypass grief.”

"So I pointed my Pete
Between J.B. and Ryder
(Now tell me what better place
There could be to hide her?)"

"But the fit proved tight
For I couldn't climb down,
So I clambered up top
And had a look 'round."

"The smokies were a comin'
And I had to think fast;
But where could I go?
Was I defeated at last?"

"Then up on the roof
Your chimney I saw
With not one curl of smoke,
And I started to haul!"

"You see I did reason
Your doors would be locked,
And I just had to avoid
That cop with the clock."

"So I jumped from my perch
And dashed 'cross the yard.
By the way, I'm sorry for your flamingoes,
For I hit them quite hard."

"Your trellis was sturdy
And I was soon on the roof,
Starting down the chimney
While I'd prayed I'd not goofed."

"So here I am on Christmas Eve
Beggin' your kind forgiveness,
And may I use your telephone
To call my wife in Texas?"

For a moment we were silent,
Then my brother commenced to grin,
He'd bought a round trip ticket
For a Christmas trip to Austin.

That ticket would get the trucker home
Then bring him back in three,
We promised to keep his rig here safe,
(And deny we'd helped him flee!)

The stranger's mouth fell open,
Then he laughed with true delight,
He'd not be home for Christmas Eve,
But he'd make it Christmas night!

When at the airport we dropped him off
He turned and did yell loudly,
"Merry Christmas to you, my truckin' friends,
And a happy New Year howdy!"

c. 1995