It's a long and bawdy limerick so if you dislike either of those things don't read it!

*Limericks have remained popular over the years. Limerick poems can often be of a funny or even a bawdy, or dirty, subject. Admittedly the content of Limericks can often verge on the indecent, the dirty, or even the obscene, but they make people laugh! Limericks are easy to remember! Limericks are short and no great talent is necessary to compose one - Limericks are a form of poetry that everyone feels happy to try (especially when inebriated!). Limericks as a form of poetry has survived the test of time dating back for centuries! And whilst the poetic and literary skills of Shakespeare are not necessary for the composition of a limerick the great Bard himself did in fact write limericks which can be found in two of his greatest plays - Othello and King Lear.
*http://www.famousliteraryworks.com/limericks.htm



A Lady From Prague

There once was a lady from Prague
Whose face resembled a dog
She went under the knife
For to seek a better life
And woke up looking more like a frog

A muscle man went to the gym
To put some more muscles on him
The weights fell on his crotch
Due to his failure to watch
And he lost both the family gems

There was a lovely goat on a farm
Blessed with an abundance of charm
She ate the undies off the line
And ran away just in time
Before the farmer did her bodily harm

A girl named Patty from Caroline
Was a bit of a fatty with a fine behind
She learned how to flaunt it
To see how many men would want it
But few of them seemed so inclined

In Virginia there was a fair virgin
Whose boyfriend was constantly urging
A woman for to make her
He wanted to take her
But she was averse to merging

There once was a girl named Sandy
Who was feeling a little randy
She chased and caught Bill
Who gave her a thrill
Now Sandy is feeling just dandy

A handsome but a scary gator man
Lived in a bayou in Luzianne
He was scaly and green
He was powerfully mean
And his manners weren't worth a damn

A moral maid bent over the wash tub
washing clothes.... rub a dub dub
A knave sneaked up behind
Her secret spot he did find
Now she's in the New Mother's Club

There once was a chocoholic
Whose mood became quite vitriolic
When he suddenly discovered
That he gagged and smothered
Whenever he chewed on chocolate

A preacher went home with a whore
Who found him a terrible bore
She showed him so much skin
That he thought it a sin
But he stood and begged for more

A Southern lady was prim and proper
Until her lover decided to drop her
She then caused a big scene
With language so obscene
Not even a sailor could top her

There once was a lady of the night
Who died from a horrible fright
There on her walnut dresser
Was no money left to bless her
So she croaked from the shocking sight

There was a fair flower of the South
Who said "Ya'll and Shut My Mouth"
With a tall sweet talking Yankee
She had some hot hanky panky
Now she's the main topic on Bellsouth

There was a lady from Paris France
Whose knight had a lance in his pants
She said he should use it
Or for sure he would lose it
So she bent over and gave him a chance

A pitiful poet sat up all night
And decided a limerick to write
But that poem was so naughty
So scandalously bawdy
It gave her gentle readers a fright

I'm tired of this bawdy limerick
The old thing is making me sick
But I've been on a roll
And I have been told
You shouldn't end a limerick too quick

Trying to end this poem 'ere long
The damn thing just keeps running on
I'll gladly say goodbye
Before I grow old and die 
And all the ink from my pen is gone!