The Ballad of Danny Wise
Now gather round and let me tell
The tale of Danny Wise:
And how his sweet wife Annabelle
Did suck out both his eyes.

And if I tell the story true
And if I tell it clear
Then not a mortal one of you
Won’t shriek in mortal fear.                          
(first two stanzas by Stephen Fry from The Ode Less Travelled))

Now Annabelle, a simple soul,
Did love her Danny so
And went to see a gypsy girl,
His fortune for to know.

She crossed the gypsy’s palm with brass,
For silver had she none;
Not knowing what would come to pass
Because of what she’d done.

The angry gypsy hid her ire
’Neath smiles and honeyed sighs.
Revenge was now her one desire
Against young Annabelle Wise.

“Sweet lady, it is clear to me
You love your husband true
And such a trusting soul you be
I’ll tell you what to do.

Your Danny has a wandering eye,”
She warned poor Annabelle,
“And if this is not rectified
He’ll surely go to hell.”

Alarmed, the poor bride hurried home,
Her heart filled with dismay.
She must not let her Danny roam.
She had to find a way!

The fear of their love sundering
Did set the maiden to think.
His eyes could not go wandering
If they were not able to blink.

To help her think, she cleaned the house
From bottom to the top;

And not until her Dan came home
Did Anna think to stop.

She held the hoover like a mace
When he walked in, surprised
She pushed it up against his face
And sucked out both his eyes.

To keep his eyes for her alone,
To save him from himself,
She placed them in a pickle jar
Upon the pantry shelf.

Now Annabelle is all alone
For Danny left soon after,
And as he stumbled out of town
She heard the gypsy’s laughter.

“Revenge is mine,” the gypsy cried,
“I’ll teach you to short change me.
He did not roam, you see, I lied!
And now I have revenged me.”

So now you know the dreadful tale
Of poor young Danny Wise
And how his sweet wife Annabelle
Did suck out both his eyes.

But that was not the final word
The young wife was not done
She gripped her vacuum like a sword
And stole the gypsy’s tongue.

©2008 Susan M Phillips (all except first two stanzas)