All my life,
I had struggled to measure up,
To your perfection…
To discover a single chink
Or smear some where in your smiling armor.
Your hands were always too sure,
Your manner carelessly calm.
I watched, and copied, and waited,
For you to make a mistake…
Yet every move you made
Was as graceful as the stars,
Moving in the midnight sky…

You called to me to come,
Join you in the sun,
But-
My roots were embedded in the earth,
And I swore, and sweated and strained
For every step forward I could take…

I could see you watching me-
Your eyes so calm and true …
And a smile played on your soft lips,
As you watched me struggle in the gloom…

I hated and loved you then,
Wanted to reach your height,
But I could feel,
The cold harshness of steel in my hands,
And struggled to swallow,
The salty taste of blood in my mouth…

I watched you stand above me,
Cold and clean in the cool misty night-
Scarcely breathing-

Aroused by the peace in your own soul,
You offered me your hand…
Nails so clean and rounded,
A soft hand,
Unknown to hard people like me…

I spat the blood and bile,
That rose in my gorge,
And strove to spit into your palm-
But you were always in tune,
With my rising emotions,
And the deed fell heavy on my heart…

I watched with hooded eyes,
As you wiped your palm on your shirt,
And my voice was much to curt,
As I yelled at you to get away…

With a strong heave,
I pulled and grabbed
At the blades of grass,
But I would never be strong enough for you,
Could never do the things you do,
And slipped back to the earth…

God how I hated you then,
Hated your perfection,
As I returned once more,
To the beginning-
For you mirrored what I,
Could never hope to be…