Neither one of us knew it at the time. We were in our early teens when I first noticed one evening at a function she and I attended regularly- that I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. One night a week seeing her, seven days a week thinking about her. I was too shy to even try to build a friendship, but circumstances threw us together from time to time. I always thanked God with all my heart for that.
By the time I learned to drive I had just slightly more nerve. I visited her at her house once. I was able to drive her over to my house once. We listened to music. It was just nice. I doubt she thinks about it to this day.
When I look back on this, realizing how I dreamed of her all through my teen years, and then some, I can well imagine how other people looking at this would see such a young immature boy whose love was totally doomed to fail.
I see it differently. I see a love that was destined to succeed beyond what I ever could have imagined.
We went our separate ways into separate lives. But there were friendly encounters from time to time. I don’t know what her struggle could have been like, but I noticed changes. There was always a great attraction to this beautiful person, but it did cease to have any sexual component. I didn’t give it any thought, but she seemed to become more masculine. Everything else about her remained to this day totally captivating.
I got married, went on to the business of my family life. At some point she got married too, and I learned it was to a woman. By this time I was not surprised, just very touched.
I don’t know how it came about, but I somehow got her e- mail address and we started to chat now and then. One night when I was about to send some nice chit chat, I decided to do something else. I wrote her a long e-mail telling her what an incredible crush I had had on her for years. I mentioned to her how one could look at that crush as doomed to fail.
But I told her as I have watched her over the years I look back on how I used to feel for her, and at that time I did not know enough to even hope that I could develop the love and admiration I have for her today- because she let love triumph no matter what form it took.
I didn’t know exactly how such an e-mail would be received. They say when you love someone- tell them.
When her response came- love was complete. She had wept.
How many people really cherish each other, and live with integrity, fidelity, and privacy?
I loved a lesbian, and I still do.
