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DVDs 6/29/2013 5:38:20 AM
In the cupboard below the TV set in our family room are thirty-four leather zippered cases with a multitude of sheathes for storage of permanent DVDs, dating from the 80s to the present — about 21,200+ separate discs. Individually logged and dated, this collection of DVDs would take more the 17,500 full hours to watch (925 twelve-hour days), figuring .06 seconds to empty and re-load the Blue Ray machine.
As the primary videographer, I appear in less than .00003% of these tapes; the only scenes in which I am visible were shot by relatives and undaunted friends who fancied themselves helpful arbiters of abilities they may or may not have possessed.
This all came to mind recently as I watched a story on ABC’s Evening News with Diane Sawyer, a story about a women who wrote a blog because it suddenly occurred to her she appeared in none of her photos with her kids.
Tough tamales! I appear in less than .00003% with my family of the video tape archived as DVDs — and it never mattered a whit to me! After all, this effort was NOT undertaken so my kids would have a record of what I looked and acted like, anyway.
I wanted above all else to make a permanent diary of what my family was like, what they looked like and how they behaved, from the beginning to as long as I was able to hold a camera — which, by the way, is pretty much over now, what with the onset of PLS and my inability to function as a videographer.
But the original mission was accomplished: I have a permanent record of daughter Alexandra from her arrival at my house two days after she was born, all through her years of school and college, as a ballet dancer, up to her marriage to the renowned dentist Dr. Phillip Faucette and the arrival of their son, Hutson.
As a bonus, I also captured subsequent data concerning my wife Christine, and my son and daughter Bob, Barb and Alex — plus their various progeny: good Lord, grandchildren and great-grandchildren! Whoda thunk it!
Did I mention the variety of in-laws and outlaws that make up the fabric of my life and times? 27,500 hours of occasions and people who made me the magnificent specimen I have become — even though I appear in less than .00003% of the finished product (that is, incidentally, the exact dent proposed taxes on the super rich would enhance the national coffers!).
So what does the lady who writes blogs for the Huffington Post have to grouse about? Not much, when you think about it. I write a weekly column (and novels, which never get published) that are read by fewer than 10,000 people; she gets on Huffington and ABC’s Evening News and is known by hundreds of thousands — and still she gripes!
Perhaps I should have held out for equal time. Perhaps I should appear in at least .00005% of the video. Perhaps I should have played the fool and convinced most viewers by performing as such on camera.
I recall one incident circa 1981. We — Chris and I — were bare-boating aboard the sloop Poca Hoya with two close friends, Debi and Gordon Elliott, from Oakville, Ont., Canada (we were all kids ourselves back then). Somewhere beyond the British Virgins, in the Atlantic, we took down the sails and were motoring back to our base in Tortola. Unfortunately, the engine overheated and damn near exploded — all hell broke loose!
“Do not be alarmed!” Gordie declared, in his clipped Anglo accent. Reminiscent of Alexander Haige, he declared, “Fear not! I am in charge!”
True to his word, Elliott was at the helm and fully prepared for all emergencies (as only a veteran of the Fastnet Races can be). He brought us safely to our distant mooring while J. Arthur Rank (me) kept the viewfinder to his eye and captured the entire hair-raising adventure on videotape.
The point, of course, is that had I handed the camera to Chris or Debi in order to be included in the drama, it would have shown me cowering in the head while I threw up in sheer panic — assuming the camera was ever recovered from Davy Jones’s Locker, where it would have been tossed.
No, I think I will display my videotapes (DVD #3712) as a tribute to my friends, family and children, rather than an account of my involvement with them. Otherwise, I would have nothing but a soggy reminder of events in life that are more cherishable than perishable.
