More Women Take on Role as Primary Breadwinner 2/25/2006 9:50:14 AM
Teena Rose is a columnist, public speaker, and certified/published resume writer with Resume to Referral. She’s authored several books, including "20-Minute Cover Letter Fixer" "How to Design, Write, and Compile a Quality Brag Book" and "Cracking the Code to Pharmaceutical Sales."
Role reversal scenarios are common plots among Hollywood screenwriters. The formula usually involves two people – mother and daughter, sister and brother, superstar and fan –switching bodies and adapting to the others’ life.
Real life has its own emerging trend in the world of role reversal. In the past 30 years, women have made enormous strides in the workplace, which has paved the way for relationships where the woman makes more money than the man.
Roughly one-third of married women now bring home a bigger paycheck than their husbands. And the emotional and financial issues associated with this reversal of traditional gender roles have couples grasping for answers on how to cope. Time no doubt will lead to growing acceptance of women out earning men, but in the meantime, ingrained social expectations of the man being the primary breadwinner continue to be the status quo.
Women still remain underpaid when compared to a man doing the same job, but the gap is closing. In the CEO offices, women are still in the vast minority but are quickly making strides into senior positions once dominated by men. According to the U.S. Labor Department, women earned 80.3 percent of what men did in 2004, up from 79.5 percent. And with progress steadily increasing – up from 63 percent in 1979 – there are bound to be more and more women who earn more at work than their spouses.
A man who made less than his wife or even stayed home with the kids used to be portrayed in an unflattering light. Somehow they were less of a man if their partner out-earned them or if they chose to raise the children. That stereotype, while still existing in many corners, has eroded significantly. A 2001 Newsweek report put the number of married households where the working wife earns more at 30.7%. While gaining acceptance, there are still many land mines couples must tiptoe through in order to deal with any problems.
When a woman earns more and the traditional family is turned upside down, it forces couples to rethink how they deal with many issues, including children, finances and even household responsibilities. When the wife brings home more money, two major sources of tension include men being emasculated and men not doing their fair share around the house. Frustration sets in if there’s no communication, and the results may not be pretty. A recent Indiana University of Pennsylvania study concluded that the likelihood of divorce doubled when women earned 51 to 75 percent of the family income.
Those may seem like sobering numbers, but like any point of discussion, debate or dispute couples must face, there are many ways to handle the situation.
Not surprisingly, talking is on the front lines of this battle. When problems arise, it’s typically not about the money, but the inability in dealing with conflict. If the phrase, “I make more money so it’s my decision,” shouldn’t rear its ugly head when a man makes more money, then it should be the same if the shoe is on the other foot.
Couples should talk – not fight – about money on a regular basis. Before a marriage, all financial issues, such as debts, incomes, earning potential, and insurance policies, should be on the table. Treat your family like a company, with both partners working in harmony to do what’s best for the family. And if the man is earning considerably less than the woman, make him the money manager of the business. Taking on the role of family accountant is invaluable work, and will help fulfill any feelings of financial inadequacy.
Just because the man takes on the lead accounting role doesn’t mean the woman shouldn’t be involved. Thorough knowledge of the family finances and making joint decisions are crucial for the partner who is less involved.
Another step to take when approaching the family budget is to forget the past and concentrate on the future. Work as one unit. Discuss with each other how you want your money to work and what goals are important to achieve. Knowing the other’s wish list – a summer home, college for the children, or early retirement – can help create financial bliss.
If you require professional help, get it. Many people are lost and just don’t feel comfortable when it comes to major financial situations, like doing taxes or investing for the future.
Finally, it’s crucial that both spouses acknowledge that contributions at home are just as vital to the family as work outside the home. They may not result in any cash flow, but they hold just a much weight as the weekly paycheck.
