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Blogs by David J. Thompson
My adventures in Middle Earth 1/30/2013 11:40:50 PM
But,really, I love the book... Ahh, Middle Earth! Folks, I had troubles from day one.
You see you have to be classified. Let's see. I was too tall
to be a hobbit, not to mention much too heavy. They also told me, "You're not merry enough!" I told them that I did like to drink the occasional beer or ale so they gave me a try on one of their nights out. It turned out to be a disaster. I ended up in the sheriff's holding cell for being drunk and disorderly. Well, I'm 6 feet tall and I was in a cell made for people 3 1/2 feet tall so you can imagine that I was pretty uncomfortable.
I left the Shire the next morning. I then tried to blend in with the men of Middle Earth. I once again failed. I was not "stern of visage" or "fair to look upon" as I guessed the rest thought they were. Another thing: I was never able to get a grip on Westron which I had figured would be an easy language to learn.
When I found some dwarves, they just shook their heads at me and began hefting their large hammers and axes.
Last, I tried the Elves. At least, they gave me a tryout. I think my tryout ended when, the first time I used a bowl, I shot myself in the foot. I hung around with them for a time but then I heard that the elfish name they had given me meant "Big ugly oaf". The ugly part was because I am bald and my hair is not gold or silver in color. The best I can do is salt-and-pepper.
So I decided to return to this reality...or wake up, whichever sounds more reasonable.
