(Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite. )

I use to work shift work a long time ago.

One weekend night when I got off from work, I was real tired and sleepy you know.

So I went straight home to get in the bed.

I just knew my wife would be out with her friends painting the town red.

When I entered the bedroom the lights were out, so I figured this was just normal.

Heck,I didn't figure nothing informal.

I saw this big lump in the bed so I figured my wife had changed her mind about going out that night.

So I thought, "Oh good I can snuggle up to my wife real warm and tight."

So I went in the bathroom and brushed my teeth, took a shower, and put on my sleeping gear.

I then got in the bed and started to snuggle up to my wife real cozy and near.

All of a sudden the phone started to rang real loud.

When I answered it this voice on the other end said, "hello honey I see you made it home ok, I'm really proud."

I immediately threw the phone down real quick and jumped up real afraid.

My fat mother-in-law threw the cover from over her head and said, "touch me again sucker and your butt is dead!"

I went for my number three iron and she went for her louisville slugger baseball bat.

The stand off was on.

I looked at her and screamed get to going.

She looked at me and screamed, "you're mine sucker, you gonna wish you was never born!"

Three hours later I picked up the phone and the voice on the other end said, "this is the hospital operator, would you like to make a call?"