God, I was so excited..
nervous and scared..
Finally going home
after seventeen years..
I left right out of school..
I couldn't wait to leave that state..
and all the memories of confinement,
loneliness, and hate..
So I left..
and never looked back..
I left good friends..
and bittersweet memories..
I left these all
so selfishly..
But as the years went by..
I started to feel an emptiness..
growing deep inside..
A longing for the familiar
the good and the bad..
A longing for old friends..
I wish I still had..
So I booked my flight.. anxiously..
Made my plans of friends to see..
First on the list was my best friend Matt..
Time to renew our childhood pack..
We had talked once and a while
over the years..
He was always the one
who could stop my tears..
We met in a school.. run by the state..
Not a nice place.. but it was our fate..
We were instantly family..
He was the brother I never had..
Someone I could trust..
with secrets good and bad..
He talked me up
when I wanted to die..
He bandaged my arms..
when I attempted suicide..
He was my first..
The first one to phone..
To say ..
Guess what I'm coming home..
Coming home to lean on you again..
Coming home so you can fill
this emptiness within..
So I called his Moms..
just to say hi..
and to alert her I was coming
but keep it a surprise..
It seemed my timing was perfect
in a warped Ironic way..
As she told me he had killed himself..
just the other day..
Hung himself with a sheet
The funeral was planned
for the following week..
Ohh God I screamed..
Not my Matt..
God, I beg you bring him back..
I felt this darkness growing
so deep within my heart..
as if someone was ripping
my very soul apart ..
His tombstone has an angel..
I put it into the ground myself..
She is holding a star toward heaven..
As if to offer help..
Inscribed on the star is written..
To Matt with all my love..
May you dance with the angels..
and finally find peace above.
I hope that he sees me..
through heavens golden gates..
I wish I could have told him
how much I loved him to his face..
and how sorry I was for being
just a few damn days to late.
I'm sorry!!

To Matt Mancl .. with all my love forever.. I miss you!!!