as I approached the barrel
I wondered why it was there for me
cautiously I lifted off the lid
fearful of the snakes that might be inside
nothing but emptiness
a hollow wooden cask
I could sense its coolness
in the summer sun and heat
so I climbed inside
pulling the lid over me
with my knees pulled up to my chest
I rested
my head feel onto my knees
tears came and went
until I was lulled into the routine of nothingness
it was cool inside when it needed to be
and gave warmth when I got cold
I felt safe knowing
this was the way I liked it
and I felt alone
knowing how much I hated it
occasionally I could hear others
outside
and around me
talking, laughing
taking turns peeing
from varying distances
seeing who could hit the mark
my world started to reek
but it felt so good to be alone
without need
or being needed
it felt good to hide
to pretend I was just me
just me
and then I remembered my hunger
my thirst
for you
my darling
I needed you to look at me
to touch me
to lift me out
and take me into your sun
I needed you to set me free
from me