I'll Pay

I gave to you the contents of my heart
And all the love that God had given me.
I did not pick and choose but gave each part,
For all of it I wanted you to see.

I don't know why I always felt so sure
That everything I felt was safe to share
With you- our friendship always would endure.
You know me, and how very much I care.

I loved you, but my faith in you was wrong.
Though perfect love should always cast out fear
Your world is one, in which I don't belong,
Your friends must tell you what you want to hear.

I know your friends, and they do that quiet well,
Just giving what they know you will accept
And keeping secrets I would go and tell...
The secrets that perhaps I should have kept.

I never thought that you would make me pay
With depths of pain that few can even feel,
But I don't want you any other way
Except in friendship based on what is real.

Please search my heart, I know you'll only find
The things that I sincerely think are true .
I'm sorry that I didn't know you'd mind.
How much I want to share these things with you.

I'll pay the price, this precious friendship lost
Because with you I couldn't play the game,
The friends you keep just would not pay the cost
Of telling you they're mine and feel the same.

John H. Bidwell