Sometimes I Wonder

I sit and think to myself, in a very calm mood, and reflect on my life and everything that has happened.

Sometimes I wonder.

Where would I be without the love of my godmother, who raised me and kept me in her home for almost seventeen years?
Without the discipline, the rules, being grounded?
The arguments, the being sent to my room, the curfew?

I have to shake my head and think. As a teenager, I hated it. But now, as an adult, I understand. It wasn’t because she was trying to control me. It was because she cared deeply.
I didn’t get it at the time. I do now.
I should visit sometime.

Sometimes I wonder.

If my heart hadn’t been broken, my mind shattered, my life in a thousand pieces, would I be the strong woman I am today?
They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I had NO IDEA what that meant, but I know now. The stress, the pain, the heartache and nostalgia.
A weak person wouldn’t cope and would either have a breakdown or take their life.
A strong person gets through it day by day.

Me. I got through it. I’m stronger now. And if I could go back in time I wouldn’t take that pain away. It made me who I am.

Sometimes I REALLY wonder.

What would my life be like without all the obstacles? The lessons? If I was upper class?
I’d be a spoilt brat most likely. Not the tough woman I am whose toughness came from all those obstacles I had to deal with throughout life, even as a child.

I’m just in my twenties. Some would say that’s still young, that I have a whole life ahead of me.
True. I do.

And I wonder.

Am I ready for more obstacles and hardship? The good, the bad, and the ugly?

I can’t help but smile as I think and write this. Because I know I sure am ready.

Bring it on.

Makala Thomas.