With all the buzz about the Mayan craze
I started getting ready for the end of days.
I stockpiled all the necessities of life
like cheese and spam and a blowup wife.

I am also prepared for any eventuality
be it earth changing or probable fatality
there are many variations of the same theme
So I had to be versatile to the very extreme

If an EM pulse attacks us from a solar storm
I used aluminum foil to cover my Dorm
I’ll be the only one in the entire world
with a working Xbox when the Sun is unfurled

Now if the poles shift when the planets align
I have hot cocoa and a snowboard that’s divine
thermal underwear will keep me warm and toasty
preventing frostbite and the need for dermatoplasty

Let’s say the Anunnaki comes back for whatever reason
be it for more gold or to commit the ultimate treason.
They’d see what you’ve done to this plant once pure
and turn you all back into the apes you were before.
Since I’m a toy I will suffer no change,
cause I have no genetics to rearrange   

Their strange little planet Nibiru is another matter indeed
if it’s to close the apocalypse will happen as decreed
Now this will wipe out Mankind and all of his greed
but probably Too this Mighty Green Gumby Steed.
Now this cannot happen to this sad little toy
he has already lost so much of his original joy
So I built me a Gumulator Repulser Ray
from widgets and gadgets and bales of hay

When this planet comes a calling
My trusty ray, I will be hauling
I’ll heft my mighty device up on my little Gumshoulder
and turn that planet into a small little boulder

You see I have it all under control
short of an ominous black hole
I will never tire and never cajole
and will be on constant patrol

I got wings from a very special friend
So look to the sky if your world is at an end
or if at any time you are feeling afraid
not sure whether to wear leather or suede
maybe you’re just down about the world of today
Just remember Gumby is here to save the day

Just ignore the Outfit of spandex and lace
it was on sale at a closeout place