~~~~~~
"If you ever have any doubts..."
He questioned one day in rainbow windowed corner
My arm over his as he patted my hand
Slightest reflection of tear in his eye
Masked by silent loving smile
Knowing full well he would support me
In life's challenges and decisions
I wonder what it was behind the tear that day
My mind too cluttered then with youthful view
Putting best self forward, blindly eager...new beginnings
Life’s adventure only a few steps and words ahead
Was it opportunity missed as he gave his girl away
To life's opportunity and her own destiny
No longer under his roof, though he was seldom there
Was it the color infused memory that gnaws at me today
Doubts are decisions, struggling to take form
Commitments almost taken, a search of self for answers
What made him plant the seed
Was he afraid of losing me, or did he have regrets
Opportunities missed, unattainable as I stood within his shadow
There was no doubt in the way he looked at me
Wiping the tear in hope it was unnoticed...
Wondering if fathers let daughters see them cry
Solidifying droplet speaking volumes
Wiped away, slate clean...awakenings
His hand in constant support in fewest words
If I had listened to his words that day
Might I have walked away from things he was unsure of
In his attempt to make certain I was sure.
I recognize the power of that smile
Accept the love that has always been in his heart
Remember those words though stained glass reflection
Life hued now, imbibed with experience...sorrow and joy
Lessons learned
I am his daughter still, and there are no regrets
Love is kindled by the years, and wonder in
If now what doubts he might have had are quelled.
Or are they
Knowing full well, I will always love his silent ways
And accept what he has given me
I remain in his heart, his first, his only baby girl.
~~~~~~
Taylor Ryan
6/18 /2006
© 2006 Taylor Ryan (All rights reserved)
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~Butch
Love & Peace,
Joselyn
Regis
What made him? Everything you wrote and oh so much more!
A Fathers love for his daughter is infinitely complex and just as filled with satisfactions as there are regrets.
I believe in those moments when Daddy lets go of his Girl that something similar to life flashing before your eyes when we are confronted with a life threatening situation happens.
It is a feeling of helplessness, regret, elation, love, fear, faith, longing - the list is long! At least under his roof there was still some control over your destiny and your safety. Away - he loses his control to protect and nuture you. It is for the most part a horrid feeling!
Some deep thoughts in this Taylor!
"Doubts are decisions struggling to take form"
"Solidifying droplet speaking volumes"
"Remember those words through stained glass reflection" - Like bittersweet recollections.
These are the multi-faceted thoughts of a poet.
Your friend
Richard
This is beautiful, yet gives me tears, I'd hoped to pass so much on to my son. Albeit I still fight to see him...
I am glad that you had a much better childhood experience. -- Jeff
My take on this wistful and poignant piece is that your beloved dad would never have stood in your way, once you had made your mind up, even though he had his own reservations...
Life is a series of experiences and dreams, and we each have to be the director of our own fate....
My way with my sons is and has always been... hands on...if I felt that they were about to make a grave mistake, I would do everything in my power to dissuade them, then leave the rest up to God !
Peter
(coincidence, I wrote the email, before you posted this poem;-)
Love,
Eileen
And accept what he has given me
A wonderful tribute to your father, Taylor - I think they each give us many things, in their own way.
Love and peace,
Susan