Mother

Charging at me like a raging bull

You grab my hair and start to pull

You can’t stand me being in your house

In order to live I have to lock my mouth

And not utter the words that are the truth

You denied your deeds, you soiled my youth

My own rage I must bury deep and in my dark

At times being mute is so hard

If I weren’t here just like you want

I wouldn’t have voices in my head

Because as your child you’re supposed to love and care

But for me you only have threats causing terror and scare

I shake, I quake, and some times I’m not able

I’m afraid to even eat at your table

You’re murderous rage for me

For my standing up for myself

Banging my head against the mirror

I shattered from one to three

In that pink bathroom in the front of the house

It was then you squeezed the breath from me

And watched me go insane trying to get away

I grew weak and my hands could no longer bat you away

I heard the roar in my ears

And then only silence

What did you do, kick me?

Is that what made me draw a breath again?

But when I arose I was no longer your child of eight

Because I did kick you out of my bed last night

From the noise my father was drawn to our sight

And there you were just like I said

Trying to crawl into my bed.

This all happened so long ago

I had squashed the memories

Until they no longer burned in my soul

They didn’t resurface until I was 48

I didn’t believe them

I thought they were fake

Repeatedly I’d wake up sweating with a bad shake

But the scenes kept replaying keeping me awake

I worked through the chaos

I worked through the hate

The pain was bad and made me weak

Struggling with the errors my parents made

 I emerged stronger

When I learned love and forgave