1st Book of Fatiman

1. In the beginning, God covered Earth
with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, and vegetables of all kinds
so Man and Woman could live long, healthy lives
using God's bountiful gifts. 

2. And Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme.
And Satan said, "You want some hot fudge on that?"
And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "How about sprinkles?"
And Lo, they gained ten pounds. 

3. Then God created healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure
that Man found so fair.
But Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and sugar from the cane, and then combined them
so Woman went from size 2 to size 10. 

4. And God said, "Try a salad."
But Satan slathered on crumbled Bleu Cheese
with garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts. 

5. And then God sent olive oil in which to cook.
But Satan produced deep-fried coconut shrimp,
butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak
big enough that it needed its own platter.
And Man's cholesterol went skyrocketing. 

6. And then God brought forth running shoes
so his Children might lose a few pounds.
But Satan came forth with the remote control
so Man need not toil
to change his four score and ten channels.
And Man and Woman sat before the flickering light
wearing stretch jogging suits. 

7. And then God brought forth the nutritious potato,
naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium.
But Satan removed its healthful skin,
sliced its starchy center into chips,
deep-fried them in animal fats,
and added copious quantities of salt.
Man and Woman gained even more weight. 

8. And then God gave lean beef
so that Man might consume fewer calories
and still satisfy his appetite.
But Satan created the double cheeseburger and asked,
"Do you want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! Super-size 'em!"
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest. 

9. Then God sighed and created quintuple bypass surgery. 

10. And Satan created the HMO.

11. Then God sighed again, and washed His hands
and He dragged Satan away to check the other universes
for more suitable subjects to micro-manage,
leaving Man and Woman
to live their short, fat, happy lives in peace.

Original from Internet e-mail,

Formatted and edited by R. Leland Waldrip

© 2004 R. Leland Waldrip