From the Internet, Author Unknown

MOM TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!"

MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of that carpet!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you into next week!"

MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"

MOM TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER:
"It looks like a tornado went through your room!"

MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY:
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't exaggerate!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

And most of all.....
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"