For the millions upon millions of men and women, who's lives have been affected, infused, and detonated into the preheating stages of "don’t crowd the oven" womanhood, while she being, almost out of season, and searching for help,
you have come to the right place!
They say nutrition is the key to a pleasant transition, so please, have a seat, facetiously infusing, swelling, with your feet up, relax in this time while you muddle over our...
"Menopause Menu"
Please note that breakfast, lunch and our dinner best are always served with a half-smile and soppin' sweats. (Those of you who become emotionally distraught over the decoct attitudes of our waiting tresses, will be charged an extra 69% gratuity and given our many blessings! So deal with whats dealt, or take your cracked up yolks somewhere else!)
Breakfast is snappily served between the hours of 7:00am and 11:00am. (due to excessive bloating and hormonal imbalances floating, our temperature regulator/ thermostat has been comfortably adjusted to fluctuate at, on or about every 10 minutes depending on occupancy and total fat)
"Moody over my DrEggs"
Poached ovum or Hot, hard-boiled eggs with a choice of waffling between, what you'll have or what you've got, peeling your own shells off, or not. We will never try to forget, to adorn you plates with an over-sized jelly roll and/or popover crepe' Pruned preserves, to aide in irritability and gloat, slowed indigestion and bouts of bloat, will be spread, ever so tenderly, upon over kneaded life -shortening bread. Simmering tears steeped so done, served with Black Cohosh tea and a hot, hot-cross bun
A Snappy Lunch will be served at 12:00 noon until 12:30p.m. (Post-menopause) because (placing your orders early will not guarantee a snappy lunch but will reserve yours being served by a basket case with her panties in a bunch)
"Appetite Teasers"
Petite Marmite pleasers or Vichyssoise in a pot (sorry only served hot)
and one of the following listed here and now (At no period in time, substituting allowed)
"LUNCH ENTREES"
Fully cooked, doomed in doubt, burning hot Bratwurst and Sauerkraut, Jambalaya simmered with a deviled crab, clamming up tight with mussels and flab or A marinated Springtide breast of hen with a saucy relish pickle, from a frenzied AD den!
All entrees above served with half baked, loosely boiled Kluski noodles or over-cooked couscous, rapidly beating in the heart it chokes, tossing and turning in a Waldorf mess, a sweetness amongst the nuttiest's best!
"AFTERNOON DELIGHTS"
For dessert you have a choice Lost marble cake with Rocky Road frosting, or an oversized trifle with chocolate shard, jostling, between beverages served and prayers on a wing, Valarium Root tea, hot flashed with a mood swing! Or Soy milk, and/or lots and lots of cold water, but don't spend the extra buck, your counting your quarters!
"The Dinner Hour" (from now until slew...)
This is a time when men will pause, if only for an hour, or maybe even two, O.K., maybe for years, waiting, watching, hoping for life, a remedy from all recipes, he prays in fear, while flipping the lid open , to his wife he called dear...
"more Appetite Teasers"
stew (yes, just stew)
"MAIN DINNER do"
Our "Specialty of the House" is a Cordon Bleu of Soul, (Baked, broiled, or brewed in a bowl) with a hormone mix, stirred emotionally, pining, fusing, with Mostaccioli noodles, topped with glazed nuts and a little time...
We can also light your fire with Spiced tongue, in a do or dyer, lamb basted and braised in melting brie on a wrinkled back door, over-sized Hibachis or A cooked up, cranky, depressed, steamed Red fish stuffed with a bulgur mouth , on a saucy dish. Aching in a crimson of sour cream and Muenster topped with snipped wives in awe-spice, Shoulda, coulda have, onced her!
Both dinner entrees are served with a hominy of sweet n’ sour exacerbations, with an increase in episodes of tingling sensations, vegetable skins and a past harvest stuffing Steamed buns vented in a sweet lovin' muffin!
Chilled or perspired Egg Nog drink, dolloped with nutty Meg, the hog, Boy! She stinks! or Licorice root or Dong Quai tea
Anxiety aside, we savor the best for last...and me!
"After Supper Stupors"
Doomsday Cake with Fruit dipping (watch out for hot spots and bloopers) and/or our favorite treats
"That’s the Way the Cookie Crumbles" or "No More Dead Rabbit Pie" sweets!
So happy to add to this fabulous array of five star comments.
Clever, funny, painful (to remember being "in" it ... in and of the stew you so aptly describe as well as other hilarious metaphors for the total rewiring that we females must go through), and extremely imaginative. Oftentimes, it's while right "in" that hormonal wave that our muse kicks ass. Yours did. X0 Jerelyn
Reviewed by Laura Mayer (Reader)
Reviewed on January 15, 2007
Oh Kimmy, you're so funny and extremely clever. I'm going through that menopause too. UGH!! Take care and hang in there. Hugs, Laura
Ha, ha, ha,hee, hee, hee, ha, ha,....and Amen sister...been there done that...wow! You've penned it to perfection. You've captured the mood swings, hot flashes, and all...loved it!
Blessings,
Joyce Bowling
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... is there a problem here somewhere? I can relate though, to a certain degree, especially when my wife and daughter are PMS at exactly the same time. Poor Dad/husband feels like a ping pong ball between two maniacal players.
This was so good Kimmy.
Light and Wisdom ...
Richard Lloyd Cederberg
Reviewed by Dove JoAnne Cromp (Reader)
Reviewed on January 15, 2007
hehehehehehehehehehehehe..dieing laughing, lol...hehehe
I'm 43, aint getting no younger, the overs about had it girl..One thing that TRULY helps is natural estregen from soy..I drink soy milk and I tell you it's the answer to all of it PLUS progetsreone creme at your health food store..I howvere don't agree with the idea that weight can't be lost...JUICING is the KEY, baby...Juicing and nutrition (serious nutrition can be the key...I saw Suzanne Sommers on tv the other month and I know if she can look that damb good I CAN TOO...Don't believe the people that say you'll be fat..Today I am fasting, cleansing the bloood stream, eating fresh fruit and juices..I FEEL GREAT....You go girl friend..We'll do the meno together, SEXY to the core.
And we all thought that PMS was as bad as it would get...listen up ladies...PMS is simply training wheels for menopause!!!! I would love to dispute Victor's comment, but he is spot on. Once you gain weight after menopause, it just isn't coming off!! Coming from the workout queen, I can tell you that no matter how hard I work out, I still remain thick as a brick...sighs... and boy can I pack on the muscles, too, my arms look like they belong to a truck driver! Saucy poem here, Sister. I hope menopause is kinder to you than it has been to me. More than seven years and I am still having flashes. Remifemin (otc all-natural menopause med) has been my salvation and has really helped with the forgetfulness and crankiness. Hot flashes still remain though and my mom who is 80 still has them, so not much hope for them leaving anytime soon for me.
Take care,
Sherry
ILMAO, I guess it's called menopause because it makes us stop and think before we ask. The menu sounds interesting but I think I'll eat out this week. (lol)
Reviewed by ~ Holly Harbridge (Reader)
Reviewed on January 15, 2007
A most interesting poem Kimmy!
Reviewed by Victor Buhagiar (Reader)
Reviewed on January 15, 2007
Careful Kimmy. After all is over you'll find yourself too fat and no diet will reduce your waistline. Victor
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)
Reviewed on January 15, 2007
OMG, woman got the short end of the straw, maybe it would be more appropriate if it were called WoMenopause.
A cooked up, cranky, depressed, steamed Red fish
stuffed with a bulgur mouth , on a saucy dish
Aching in a crimson
of sour cream and Muenster
topped with snipped wives in awe-spice
Shoulda, coulda, have, onced her!
~~
YOur mind is working overtime here Kimmy!
I love this heartfelt hormonal write!
YOu said to the point, it gets me to think!
Can we outrun all this...
GOD Speed to ya'!
There is suppose to be very good benifits too!
STay Positive! I loved your upbeat attitude, and this took
alot of creative thought and edge to conquor! Wow!
WArmest HuGs, WArrior Sheeeooxx
P.s. I don't think (I'm suppose to know) if I started... I know I have less patience~ If that's a beginning~ Paul is very forgiving! He is a treasure/Blessing!
I wish you cool days!
Stories Worth Wiping Your A** With
Whether you're making a deposit at the stank bank, dropping a return at the squat shop, or conducting a brown business meeting, these perfectly timed tales provide the literary fragrance your privacy deserves. F
"Menopause Menu"
Oh now this is true entertainment...
Well, if it is true then that explains you spurts
And that is a good thang...smile
All the best to you,
From the Heart of an Artist..
I say don't ever slow down what ever you do!
Hugs Angela
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
May I please have another serving? DELICIOUS!!!!!!!! A keeper, for sure.
Unique composition... "Menopause Menu" paints a live picture of reality, and stimulates ideas on the subject and thoughts on its torture's prevention.
I salute You, Poet.
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
Clever, funny, painful (to remember being "in" it ... in and of the stew you so aptly describe as well as other hilarious metaphors for the total rewiring that we females must go through), and extremely imaginative. Oftentimes, it's while right "in" that hormonal wave that our muse kicks ass. Yours did. X0 Jerelyn
Sandie May Angel :o)
Blessings,
Joyce Bowling
This was so good Kimmy.
Light and Wisdom ...
Richard Lloyd Cederberg
I'm 43, aint getting no younger, the overs about had it girl..One thing that TRULY helps is natural estregen from soy..I drink soy milk and I tell you it's the answer to all of it PLUS progetsreone creme at your health food store..I howvere don't agree with the idea that weight can't be lost...JUICING is the KEY, baby...Juicing and nutrition (serious nutrition can be the key...I saw Suzanne Sommers on tv the other month and I know if she can look that damb good I CAN TOO...Don't believe the people that say you'll be fat..Today I am fasting, cleansing the bloood stream, eating fresh fruit and juices..I FEEL GREAT....You go girl friend..We'll do the meno together, SEXY to the core.
Love Tinka
Carole
Brett
Bless you,
Joselyn
Take care,
Sherry
Rusty
ILMAO, I guess it's called menopause because it makes us stop and think before we ask. The menu sounds interesting but I think I'll eat out this week. (lol)
Nothing like rosey cheeks though...
stuffed with a bulgur mouth , on a saucy dish
Aching in a crimson
of sour cream and Muenster
topped with snipped wives in awe-spice
Shoulda, coulda, have, onced her!
~~
YOur mind is working overtime here Kimmy!
I love this heartfelt hormonal write!
YOu said to the point, it gets me to think!
Can we outrun all this...
GOD Speed to ya'!
There is suppose to be very good benifits too!
STay Positive! I loved your upbeat attitude, and this took
alot of creative thought and edge to conquor! Wow!
WArmest HuGs, WArrior Sheeeooxx
P.s. I don't think (I'm suppose to know) if I started... I know I have less patience~ If that's a beginning~ Paul is very forgiving! He is a treasure/Blessing!
I wish you cool days!