I’m not a boastful man… and you may not believe me,

But I swear what I tell you here are every bit true .

You may judge me that I acted abominably,

Or that I am as mad as a demented cuckoo.

I slept with Sandra Bullock… and you heard nothing yet…

Nicole Kidman, Debra Winger and quite a few more;

Names as many as letters are in the alphabet,

Slept with some only yesterday, others… long before…

With some I slept early evening, with others at dawn.

With Sophia Loren it was a hot afternoon.

If I recollect it was evening with Goldie Hawn

And with Doris Day it must have been a sunny June.

Kim Basinger was on a Sunday after breakfast,

I remember it well because the morning was hot,

Pamela Anderson… she must have been the amplest…

But oh, when was it? I really remember it not…

Michelle Pfieffer must have been at tequila sunrise,

Whilst Sigourney Weaver was just aping it so well…

Meg Ryan, well, what can I say?  Her eyes mesmerise…

And who wouldn’t remember her orgasm decibel…

Julia Roberts… well she is a pretty woman

And I confess I slept with her at Notting Hill Gate.

Demy Moore… what could I do? I am only human

And she undoubtedly is an exceptional mate.

Yes it’s absolutely true ; I slept with all of them.

We all assume their virtues are not locked in Fort Knox.

I slept with all… They were on telly… these “Fatal Femme”…

And I’ve been snoring my head off in front of the “box”.

© P. J. Oszmann (2004)