I had a high school teacher critique a poem by saying that no one capitalizes the first letter of each line any more. In retaliation, I wrote this:
THere are bars in my window, THe only window in my wall -- THe wall THat I built within THe desolate desert dust THat was my only companion during THose long, sun-dried teenage summers -- THe wall THat I built brick by self-fired brick to be THe protector from THe harsh sun's fire and THe marauders THat stormed my ego fortress -- THe wall that served me well, THat stood tall and straight and THick all THese long years -- THe wall THat kept out THe bitter enemies and THe would-be friends. THen you came with that wrecking ball smile and those diamond-tipped eyes that drilled through the hard crust of a sun-fired soul leaving rubble in their wake exposing me to a new type of sun one that doesn't bake and burn but one that warms and melts and I melted and I thought you melted too but diamonds don't melt and I was the rubble in your wake when you left but there are some good bricks here in The ruins -- enough to start THe rebuilding process THere is mortar enough, and THere is plenty of time. THere is nothing but time.
Very well said. The walls I built to protect myself are sometimes all that I have left. You've stated something that I've felt personnally and I always need more mortar. Great expressive! Amy.
I was hypnotized by the format, the actual shape that looks like the wordfalls, one expects perpetual movement. Some chaos too. The words' meaning, or rather my interpretation, is entirely linked to what I see because of the strong visual impact this poem has.
Nice pen that many can relate to: "the one who comes into our life with that "wrecking ball smile" (great line!) and leaves us in ruins - but no matter how strong the wall it's gonna crumble again sometime - Great title.
best, michael guy
The only valid critic is the public. Someone said that but which artist escapes me. Nevertheless, an interesting endeavor.
Reviewed by William Cryer (Reader)
Reviewed on January 27, 2008
Leo, I read this a few times through, and still I came away with that similar experience when reading much of your other poems--that somehow it's a lot more complex and layered than I realize. Perhaps I'm just admitting to being an ignoramus, though the bits that I do fathom I enjoy most splendiferously. Or maybe--don't laugh--it's that reading some of your lines evokes similar sensations of gazing at a page of html--the way you structure your lines. Like dropping code onto a page. Ah well...as wordpress infamously asserts: code is poetry. Yours is definitely poetry.
Oh, Oh, Oh... WOW! I absolutely love this! I love that I can see the rebuilding process going on-- the shifting mortar at the end, and that separated elipses. . . (in bold) and what's interesting, is that the wall is so rigid-- so visible, that though you read and reread the first part of the poem, the words just pile up behind the wall and don't really sink in-- so true-to-life. A great write! --Charlie
Reviewed by blue soplain (Reader)
Reviewed on January 26, 2008
egads; arent you the clever chap :}
love the smart-aleckiness of the rebuke ANd i love the message and format of this. . . the way it smears the words in the middle of all that structure. ..all that post-mortar resurrection, a renaissance of the relational sort. ..of mind...of love even. .
some sort of willing destruction---
and even more perfect is the end. .. .so 0pen....left...
left.. .
just left.. .
i really really like this. ..
ness
p.s. what a doofus teacher~ so haughty in her pseudo.avant-garde.ness
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Intriguing work!
Axilea
best, michael guy
Ron
Boy would I love to know if I had that same teacher!
I love the poem, the form, and the message. It's shape only enhances the meaning.
Cryssa
love the smart-aleckiness of the rebuke ANd i love the message and format of this. . . the way it smears the words in the middle of all that structure. ..all that post-mortar resurrection, a renaissance of the relational sort. ..of mind...of love even. .
some sort of willing destruction---
and even more perfect is the end. .. .so 0pen....left...
left.. .
just left.. .
i really really like this. ..
ness
p.s. what a doofus teacher~ so haughty in her pseudo.avant-garde.ness