This is a funny, not-so-funny narrative from the self-righteous Sister Churchlady.

My Speech to Empty Seats

I sit there Sundays, dressed and pressed
So righteous, pure, and neat.
And glance around to criticize
The many empty seats.

You used to sit in front to me.
I wonder where you've been.
So what, I didn't pray for you.
It's you who fell to sin.

What happened to you, couple,
Who sat against the wall?
My church work's kept me busy
And I didn't think to call.

And you, behind me, three rows back,
You're gone, I don't know why.
You didn't fit into my clique,
You really should have tried.

What happened to you, family?
You always sat alone.
And even though I never spoke,
You should have felt at home.

And you, who sat beside me,
Why haven't you been back?
You live next door to me and know
Just how I really act.

You've left so many empty seats
You've failed by my critique.
If you were only more like me
You'd never miss a week!