Woe, oh woe, I used to think.
The world is spinning out of control.
Then along came SPAM, and in a blink
I learned a CHEAP pill will make it whole.

Everyone’s mortgage will be PAID OFF.
Bad credit will no longer plague us.
No more bad skin, or nasty coughs.
Cheap RX’s will save-save-SAVE us.

Sex will be fabulous TEN TIMES A NIGHT.
Our insurance will never go up.
Our organs will function out of sight.
All our bad habits will be whupped.

Our websites will get a quadrillion hits.
Our businesses will own righteous software.
Our faces will be free-free-FREE of zits.
Our clothes amaze, and soft, soft hair.

Our children won’t be endangered by smut.
Our houses will look like Taj Mahals.
Pounds will drop right off of our butts.
And our PC's will get NO VIRUSES at all.

The cars we buy will cost bubkus.
Our old age funds will go through the sky.
Movie stars and presidents will LOVE us.
And it won’t hurt at all to get high.

I wonder if I should send a bunch of MONEY
To the guy who wrote in all caps he is broke.
I am curious about Good-Looking Honey.
Is it possible someone’s playing a joke?

The offers keep coming, like this one here:
YOU can be GORGEOUS in UNDER A MINUTE.
Hmmm. Oh, well. Sign me up, dear.
To think we thought we humans had limits.

I am so grateful that there is spam.
I didn’t realize the world was a daisy.
I know now I don’t have to stay who I am.
Not to worry. There’s a sure cure for CRAAAZY.