T'was th' Week Before Christmas

         © 2005 All rights reserved        By: Joyce rapier

T'was th' week before Christmas and out on th' lawn

Sat old plastic Santa his reindeer was gone.

He posed so majestic but his paint, oh so chipped

It seemed he had risen, right out of th' crypt.

The kids…they were yelling as they always do

I yelled out th' winder, "What's th' matter with you?"

"It's th' cops, they're a comin'; down th' lane in old blue."

I gulped down my coffee; ran to see…it was true !

Th' hounds started bayin'; my God they were loud.

Dust was a flyin' stirin' up such a cloud.

Th' neighbors were screamin' and runnin' amok

As though they were normal…ain't no such luck.

Gramps ran like wildfire 'round th' screechin' back door

His skivvies a flamin'…red sparks marked th' floor.

He jerked and he danced til he flung'em right off

A faunchin' and fumin'…his rear end mighty rough.

He grabbed up a bucket of water and ran

Full blown and necked…on a mission…that man.

Past th' barn…full speed…like a steed he did go

His old butt a hangin'…puttin' on a big show.

By now, sirens screamed in th' driveway next door

A man, he was cussin, and givin' 'whut for.'

Tellin' th' cops, he ain't sure what it is,

"It dropped through th' celin' …landin' on th' floor!"

Th' sheriff hauled out th' big wad of tin

Three feet circumference …figurin' out what it is!

It reeked to high heaven; black soot dressed its form

Whatever it was, it was out of the norm!

I gasped cause I knew th' meanin' of th' blob

I'd seen it before when one hit my own floor.

Snatchin' up th' kids before they let out th' cat,

"Yeah, we know whut it is; it's one giant vat."

It seems it ain't Christmas lest Gramps does his thing

Th' old still wakes its slumber; every year so to ring

It booms and it thunders, it explodes with a roar

Sending a present to th' new people next door.

Two hours later, th' ruckus calmed down

Grampa was sittin' in his finest gown.

Th' fireplace was glowin' as Gramps' sipped his brew

And we're pickin' 'n grinnin' Merry Christmas to you!