What’ch’call, uh, Old (poem) by Mark M Lichterman on AuthorsDen

What’ch’call, uh, Old
by Mark M Lichterman → (All Poetry by Mark M Lichterman)
Rated "G" by the Author.

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A re-run for my new "middle aged" friend, Joy.
What’ch’call, uh, Old Don’t wann’a admit to bein’, what’ch’call, uh, old. So let’s see. If a guy can be middle aged, so why can’t I be “middlin’ old?” So, so let’s see. Bein’ middlin’ old now, so, so what’s so different? Well... There’s a whole bunch’a more salt in my hair than pepper. An’ I still walk, uh... kind’a straight ‘ceptin’ now an’ then I get this hitch in my getalong. Memory... Memory? Uh, what the hell was I sayin’? Oh, yeah! My memory ain’t much worse then back than when I was... Uh, what the hell was I sayin’? Yeah, I still remember stuff like...? Oh, yeah! I remember… uh, where’s the toilet? it’s there... There? What’s there? Then there’s teeth. Teeth? Well, really there’s good an’ bad here. Bad ‘cause bubble-gum don’t work so good. Good ‘cause I don’t have toothaches. Bad ‘cause they fall outta my mouth if I try to whistle. Good cause’ my teeth help control my weight, ‘cause I don’t eat so much if I forget ‘em at home. An’ I’m not all that much heavier now than when I was... Okay, so they say as women age their stomachs go to their butts an’, so they say, when men age their butts go to their stomachs. Okay, so my butt’s slipped front-side so now my belly’s like where my butt used to be, an’ my butt’s...? hell I don’t have a butt no-more ‘cause my butt’s where my belly use’t’be. What else? Oh, yeah, “sex” Huh, what’ch’ya say? Sex! Sex, yeah... Always thought when I stop thinkin’a sex’ll be the time I’ll be ready for diein’. an’ as I ain’t ready to be diein’ I’ve become kind’a like some kind’a deranged kind’a chemist thinkin’... Hummm? If I take a half’a’ one those almond colored pills in the mornin’, you know that pill that’ll maybe’ll give me a four hour hard-on... Hell, we... my lady’n me’ll settle for a three minute hard-on. an’ I take one’a those blue kind’a pills an hour before, maybe it’ll work an’ we’ll... hell you know! Oh, yeah, an’ I almost always gotta pee.

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors

Reviewed on July 9, 2011

Now Mark, I'm sure that in your formative years, three minutes would get you 3/4 of a mile around that cinder track, and Roger Bannister was trembling in his boots. Patrick

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila

Reviewed on July 8, 2011

Giggle....I guess a lot of us will get this one, Mark! Funny interpretation of aging.....it's gonna happen whether we like it or not...if we're lucky that is! As long as the health hold up....I'm good to go....this made me laugh.....

Your friend,
Anna

Reviewed by Joy Hale

Reviewed on July 7, 2011

Thanks for rerunning this for me, but Mark... you gotta stop making me laugh so much... I almost fell out of my computer chair awhile ago. You are hilarious and oh, so very clever in your writing. Thanks for the laughs, my new friend, you're the greatest!

Joy L. Hale