© 1996 Bob Hicks

Opening Night

People are coming in through the doors

They’re coming in by twos and by fours

By sixes and eights / it’s a virtual race

They’re claiming their seats

They’re filling the place

Backstage, the actors try checking their fears

Someone throws up / someone’s in tears

Someone’s half naked and can’t find her dress

“Wardrobe… wardrobe… I’ve just torn my vest.”

“I can’t find my apron!!” / “Where is my hat?”

“O, God, there was pizza right where I just sat.”

In makeup, the greasepaint has just hit the floor

“Quick, scrape it up… we don’t have any more.”

“I can’t wear these whiskers.” / “My nose won’t stay on.”

“I’ve got half a face and the rouge is all gone.”

The stage crew is working as hard as they’re able

“This flat won’t stay up.” /  “What’s this goo on the table?”

“This truck isn’t rolling…. I can’t make it go.”

“Well, give it a shove… oops… that was Sam’s toe!”

The orchestra’s tuning up out in the pit

“Is this an A flat?” / “My reed has just split.”

“My stand won’t stay up… it keeps spinning ‘round.”

“Is this an A flat?” / “Shut up and sit down!”

“Makeup… my cheeks.” / “Wardrobe… my hood.”

“Props, clean this table… it’s just someone’s blood.”

“Five minutes ‘till curtain.” / “I can’t find my score.”

“Hey… two of you guys… get Sam off the floor.”

“I wanna go home.” / “Is THIS an A flat?”

“YOU’LL DIE WHERE YOU SIT!” /  “I just found my hat.”

The lights are all set… except number seven.

And five, six and eight… nine ten and eleven.

“O, SHIT, they’re all different… the lighting guy changed it!”

“He’s dead. By my own hand, he’s dead… I’ll arrange it.”

 Now there’s a hush / the crowd settles in

The music starts up / the house lights go dim

Act one… scene one / so far, it’s alright

“O, God, help us please, to live through this night.”

In only a moment / the show is complete

And wonder of wonders / the crowd’s on their feet

Whistling… applauding… it’s a standing ovation

“O, joy… let’s go out for a little libation.”

Now, all is forgiven / now love fills the air

We’ll drink and be merry / “Put Sam in a chair.”

Re-hash it ‘ re-sing it / re-play it, and then

Some damn fool shouts out…

“LET’S DO IT AGAIN!!”