Noises pounding in my head,
Voices, rising from the dead,
Lights flashing, trying to catch my eye,
Pain in my heart, making me want to die…
And I listen to the wind blowing,
And fear the face I’m showing,
Don’t look at me!
You won’t like what you see….
Damn you all to hell for trying to make me
Something I can never be!

The clouds gather, and the sun is dark,
The landscape surreal, eerily stark
Suddenly the lightning splits the clouds in two
And rain comes pouring down,
Washes over me like a shower,
And I shiver, standing in the rain.
Watching it steam and sizzle
As it touches my burning skin..

The crash of thunder,
Drowns out the drumming in my mind,
And the voices quiet and creep back, silent for a time…
And I find myself more at peace with each blast
That echoes deep into the night..
And wearily drag me home to sleep,
Peeling off my clothes as soon as I reach the door,

My skin like ice now, my soul dark with grief,
I leave the lights off and find my way
To the porcelain cage and turn the nozzles high,
Steam pours into the room,
But I am blind in the dark,
Yet climb into the blazing needles
And let them pierce my skin with pain,
Felt like never before,
Hot and sharp, my skin on fire
A ruddy red, and I feel desire
Well up in me
Like a volcano ready to explode…
Lean back against the stone wall,
And think of nothing but the rage outside
That echoes the battle within.
And the forces fight and build ,
Reaching a fevered peak…
Release comes and my cry is drowned out
By the roar outside
That shakes my window panes
And rattles my heavy wooden door.

The hot steam has cooled,
And taken my fever with it,
I slide to the floor,
And let the now warm water
Wash me clean again.

There I sit,
Until you come…
Staring at me in your knowing way,
And for once I am grateful for your presence
And smile weakly against your frown…
But you, my love, know me so well,
My blessings and the depths of my private hell…

God, I love that you don’t ask,
Don’t speak at all,
Merely grab the thick warm towel
And pull me to my feet.
Like a Child you dry me,
Rub me raw,
Guiding me, so I don’t fall.
And I follow you…
Trusting in the love you have taught me.

Yes, cool my brow,
Touch my cheek with your finger-tips,
Rub your thumb over my lips,
And kiss me gently good-night…
Lay my demons to rest,
Shove them under the bed…
Then come lay your head
On my chest and hold me till I sleep
And my love, please don’t weep…
I’m better now,
The dark shower has worked its magic,
once more,
It has made me whole…