* I was inspired to post this because of Nikki's Post on this subject...*

I'm Still Reindeer ...




Here,
Outside my garden,
I am hard...
As unyielding as the sky,
So smooth,
You can't get a grip,
Your fingers grab and slip-
Rolling off my soul
Like a ball,
Cold and plastic
Like a doll.

Your fingers caress my face,
But my skin
Is as hard as an iron brace,
And
I feel nothing from you,
Not even blue-
You grab my hair and pull,
Forcing my face
Near your cruel lips...
I see your mouth;
Wonder how a mouth so soft
Could utter such cruel lies...

You kiss me as if you love me,
It doesn't matter-
I feel nothing...
Not even the pressure of your soul
As you force yourself on me-
All in the name of love...
Love for your Reindeer
Now escaped in the Heart of the forest...

Done-
You throw me down
As if you mean for me to break in two.
But...
I won't break for you-
Not for you..
You bruise the outside,
But
You're too blind to see
You can't hurt me anymore,
You can't get past my steel door...

I died so long ago
I don't even remember or care to know
Exactly when it was that you
Ripped out my heart,
And threw it still beating on the ground...

I do remember
I couldn't believe what I saw-
Love tossed out like garbage,
Hope shattered like glass,
Life squeezed out like toothpaste
Until only the empty tube remained
Useless on the shelf...

I stared like a child,
As it finally stopped beating...
Watched the sun burn it into the ground,
Now a stain on the earth-

I filled my chest with stones,
I had to fill the emptiness,
Filled it with mortar,
Mixed with blood and despair,
Grains of sadness and tears

Now flowed through my veins,
Filling my heart with pain that
Made me stronger
And hard, hard granite
Formed and changed me...
Made me so strong
That I had to hide my power

Until I was strong enough to fight you..
It made me determined to never break
Or bow before you...

Now What?
You can't break me,
I will not cry...
Not ever again-
Now-
I see fear in your eyes,
Now-
You hold out an olive branch,
Bring me flowers that smell like nothing-
Buy me candy I can't taste-
Try to touch my face
With fingers I can't feel...

I stare quietly,
Wonder;
What the hell?
That loved starved child is dead-
That long brown hair you loved
Was chopped for a reason-
It pushed me just a little further from you...

Until now, little man;
Though you made me thus high,
And thus deep-
You don't even know who I am
Or
What I've become...

Offer me nothing-
I refuse it all,
I refuse you-
Do you really think
You can worm your way back?
Fool!

My Garden is closed to you.
My Garden is safe from you.
You can't get in here...
For here,
Safe an sound
Healthy and Hale,
Loved and Chosen-
Living without fear
Is
Reindeer...