Use these pearls at your peril.

Nixed Metaphors

His home was his prison
That’s why he hung out at the bars
He won the election in a landside
Now he slings mud till the cows come home
Honesty is the best policy
With zero cash surrender value
He was at the bottom of the inverted pyramid
Then his world was turned upside down
His bubbly personality was a big asset
Until he became drunk with power
Did you hear that John kicked the bucket?
And now he’s crying over spilled milk
You used to light up my life
Now the flame has burnt itself out
Ah but your kiss of fire
Really burns a hole in my pocket
Yes she loved to wax poetic
But she wouldn’t wax my car
Slow and steady wins the race
But she hesitated and all was lost
She tried to show him the ropes
And he hung himself to death
But not the plastic surgeon
He just hung himself
She reached the point of no return
Then asked “what’s the point?”
He started down the slippery slope
And hit skid row with a bang
He came home three sheets to the wind
And she put him to sleep in them
She had a heart made of gold
And fists made of stone
So she beat him senseless
And now he’s her whipping boy
Laugh and the world laughs with you
Cry and nobody gives a damn
And finally…
When you come to a fork in the road
Take it because
The best things in life are free.