Insouciant Wit

I’m a little bit sloppy
Rough at the edges
Great with my woods
Can’t use my wedges;

I’m a debonair dude
Fit as a fiddle
I solve all of life’s problems
Just gimme a riddle;

The girls love my body
My sexy appeal
Some want to consume me
For a romantic meal;

Others find me
Too much to contain
Some pick my pocket
Others pick my brain;

But I do not mind
The gossip the chatter
It’s just a case of
Mind over matter;

When I walk down the street
The world is my oyster
I take what I can
Like a kid in a toy store;

Until that one day
When she came along
I was hummin’ a tune
She was singin’ a song;

I smiled she ignored me
I said “excuse me miss
Would you put your arms round me?
I need to feel bliss”;

Close your eyes said she
Then whipped out her whip
She aimed for my buttocks
Split open my lip;

Now when my friends ask me
About my bruised face
I tell them the truth
It was quite a chase;

She scratched me and bit me
She was out of control
In a moment of ecstasy
There was fire in her soul;

And then in a second
She was all over me
The rest is a blur
She took wantonly;

My body is sore
From my head to my feet
The ankle monitor
Is so she won’t repeat.