The Open Madness

The true story about the birth of golf and why it will never last…

It all got started in old UK
As the boys were a-drinkin’ one cold dark day
When the subject of balls entered the fray
And everyone crossed his legs.

“I’ve got a long stick and a couple of balls
Got ‘em right here in me Overalls”
Said a lad who looked like Santa Claus
“Anyone wanna play?”

Suddenly there were sticks and balls all over the place
Some were firm and some a disgrace
One even had a smiley face
He was a proud young man he was.

The rest is a blur not many details
As they went outside in the gusty gales
And started whackin’ and smashin’ and creatin’ tales
About how they scored that day.

Yes the Brits are coming hurrah hurrah
And so are the boys from Arkansas
Perhaps even one from old Nepal
To smash their balls today.

How many balls are in the air?
I don’t know and I don’t care
‘Cause I’m not putting’ mine up there
It’s not much fun for me.

Nope.

If I had the time and still had the urge
And lots of dough with which to splurge
The earth and me would never merge
In the game of golf you see.

I’ve a nice set of balls that I want to keep
They’re not expendable and they’re not cheap
But they do have dimples that don’t hang deep
And they score quite well for me.

Yes the game of golf is on the wane
Losing your balls is quite insane
Even out on a manicured terrain
Where the playmates are wild and free.