The Art of Aging
(with honor, class, and style)

Virility senility the two go hand-in-hand
One makes you horny while
You lie to beat the band.

But as for me …

I’m as fertile as a turtle
Before he dives for – food
(Don’t get ahead of me).
I’m as virile as a bad boy
Who loves to push and shove
I’m as fit as a brand-new fiddle
And always ready for love.

I can do a hundred push-ups
Before the clock strikes seven
Jump back in bed and do a hundred more
That sends my mate to heaven.

I don’t compare my body parts
By the size of my graspy hands
It’s all about arm’s lengths
Visualize that if you can.

There are billy goats and horny toads
Out looking to rape and pillage
They hop along house-to-house
While I go village-to-village.

Up here on my lofty pedestal
Where the air is clear and cool
I don’t need a lot of gadgets
To check my manly tool.

It’s one for all and all for one
I love to share my wealth
It’s good for you and good for me
And good for fun and health.

I sent this rhyme to the Liar’s Club
It won honorable mention--plus
They said please do us the honor
And do not mention us.