I hear the sound of breaking glass,

 The creaking of the stairs,

 Should I pretend that I’m asleep,

Or go and see who’s there,

  Another sound, I heard it plain,

 Coming from the lounge,

 There must be an accomplice,

 Who’s stayed there to look around,

  I’ll have to go investigate,

To see what can be done,

I’ll take my golf club with me,

 God I wish I had a gun,

 Quietly and gingerly,

I slip out of my bed,

Tiptoe across the bedroom,

 With the club above my head,

 I slowly turn the handle,

 My heart is beating fast,

It has to be a burglar,

 I heard the braking glass,

  I must protect my family,

 Mustn’t be afraid,

 I’ll fight off these intruders,

If it leads me to my grave,

 I tiptoe down the stairway,

Something moves, I think what’s that,

I step on a broken flower vase,

 And fall upon the cat, 

The dog comes out the kitchen,

Showing all it teeth,

Thinks that I’m a burglar,

And makes a grab for me, 

The baby’s started crying,

Awoke by sudden screams,

 And the wife is standing on the stairs,

Creasing at the seams, 

Well I tell her it’s not funny,

And she stops and dries her eyes,

Helps me get the dog off,

And tries to sympathize, 

So I say what I was doing,

And how I’m in so much pain,

Then she sniggers. Thank You Rambo,

Then starts giggling again,

 Well next time I think there’s burglars,

 Even if it’s late,

I’m going to give my wife a nudge,

 And let her investigate,

 By S.E.Ralph.. 

10-7-2001