I think that when you get my age,
You should look after your health,
For who is going to take care of you,
If you don't take care of yourself?

So I went to see my doctor,
And she put me on the scales,
It was one of those speak your weight machines,
And what it said was, "WOW!!",

Of course I couldn't understand it,
Because I'm just skin and bones,
Though I'm sure that as I stood on it,
I heard the damned thing groan,

Then alarm bells started ringing,
And the doctors face turned white,
She made me take my clothes off,
Which is not a pretty sight,

But my doctor's a professional,
So I'm sure she's seen much worse,
Though she did look a little nauseous,
When she looked at me at first,

But she soon found her composure,
And told me to lie down,
Checked my pulse and temperature,
Then looked at me and frowned,

She said, "I'll have to take some blood,
And monitor your heart",
Then she stuck a needle in me,
Like she was practicing her darts,

She could tell that I was not impressed,
By the blood curdling scream I gave,
So smiling sympathetically,
She did the same again,

Then when she'd finished her assessment,
And completed all her tests,
In obvious relief, she turned,
And begged me to get dressed,

But in her eyes.. as clear as day,
Was concern and deep regret,
Unsure how to tell me,
Her diagnosis, I expect,

So I looked her in the eyes and said,
"Be honest with me please",
She said, "Ok then Fatso,
You're morbidly obese,

And if you don't stop eating chocolate,
Fried foods and things like that,
You'll be pushing up the daisies,
Within a year, from heart attack",

Well her diagnosis came as quite a shock,
So I asked for her advice,
She said, "Well, I could glue your lips together",
And I thought, that wasn't very nice,

So offended and in some distress,
I rose from where I sat,
How dare that anorexic wretch,
Insinuate I'm fat,

And I stormed out of her surgery,
With her jibe still echoing,
Trying not to wedge into the doorway,
As I had whilst entering.

By S.E.Ralph..

15-7-2016