ON GIVING WIVES ADVICE

by Don Wendorf, Psy.D.; LMFT

You’ve got to be respectful when you give your wife advice,

It’s not like she’s your kid you have to raise.

Giving help unwanted doesn’t feel especially nice,

And criticism’s not as fun as praise.

Listen when your wife begins to tell you how she feels,

She wants you first to hear and understand her.

Don’t advise, critique, or scold with rational appeals,

It’s not your job to fix or reprimand her.

Don’t tell your wife she shouldn’t feel the feelings that she’s feeling,

You don’t have to agree with her emotion.

She’ll feel you’re putting down her inner life that she’s revealing,

Some empathy would be a soothing lotion.

Ask her what she wants before you give her consultation,

She may just need to know you’re sympathizing.

She’s not your little pupil who requires your education,

You may be right, but she’ll hear criticizing.

If you’ve got some feedback that you think she needs to know,

Where you think she’s messing up in how she’s living,

Ask for her permission first, before you tell her so,

Respect will help her hear advice you’re giving.

Then when you present her, with all your sage advice,

Be sensitive and positive and tactful.

Starting out with compliments and praise would sure be nice:

You’ll find her more receptive, less “reactful.”

This principle of offering advice you want to say,

Will work with grownup kids and husbands, too.

Don’t throw advice like hardballs as your loved ones run away,

People hear your words when moving towards you.