I’m afraid

I feel that pull again

falling back in love, with you , but

I never did stop, loving you, really

how can you stop …breathing

in life and all it’s pain and glory

I can’t help myself, and it scares me

I’m frightened by this all

and how I want more…..of you

I want you in my life

even at a distance, and still

you seem to encourage me ……on

so …… I’m so confused

I see a part of you that is different now

or indifferent

to me and my feelings

and, maybe that was always true , and

I was blind to it, or indifferent

regardless, I can’t take much more of these

heartless games

In my lifetime

I’ve survived

so many things

the wilds, the

near deaths

climbing out of

my wayward youth the, years of alcohol

abuses of many kinds

reckless ways

near misses ,on this highway of life

the fires, always fighting….

the chaos , deadly fire scene’s

barely escaping

the eighty foot drop

The collapses,

Pulling myself out, from under, timbers

smoke so black and thick…..choking

The cancer nightmare, that surely

should of killed me [and may yet]

I survived

I always knew

I would survive

now, I’m not so sure, about anything

about life about outcomes

about love

I’ve lived through divorce

I’ve lived through living alone

and now, this recent breakup

has left me empty

my heart I fear, is almost gone

in this weakened

state

I sense I’ve changed, but

have you, and

do I really want to know

or remain

a fool still and always

s nassano 8-14-10