“The ideal man.”

As conceptualised by most women

He is rare as an albino swallow,

With body like the divine Apollo,

And with the strength of mighty Hercules,

Blessed with eloquence of Demosthenes. *

Alas… if physically he isn’t like that,

At the least he should be considerate,

Be well aware of the female psyche;

His temperament should not be spiky.

His bad days should be rare; he should ooze charm,

Opening his valet shouldn’t cause alarm.

Female capriciousness he’d treat with wit,

At night if we say no, that should be it.

If needed he should be ready to fight,

Never should fail us but always delight….

N’ if in all above he should disappoint,

He should still marry us… that’s the point…

Footnote: * Demosthenes was a Greek statesman and orator (384–322 BC).\

“The Ideal Woman.”

As conceptualised by a variety of males

According to a Husband:

Simple, diligent, domesticated, serves her Master,

And wears the same dress day in, day out… and years after….

According to a Lover:

Fiery, adventurous, always ready for a kiss,

And every embrace of hers is sheer heavenly bliss.

According to a Poet:

A winged, virginal, shadowy figure…

And oft’ in my bed with wild behaviour.

According to a Young Man:

Alluring, seductive, mysterious,

And her scent makes me feel delirious.

According to a Middle Aged Man:

I care not if she’s yours, or lover of the milkman,

Just as long as she feels that I am her ideal man.

According to an Elderly Man:

She cooks, washes, softly tucks me in… and cares,

Doesn’t use my toothbrush, and doesn’t eat my éclairs.

My own definition:

I loved one… lived with her… took her for granted…

And been weeping ever since she departed…

© P. J. Oszmann (2010)

© Illustration created in Photoshop combining public domain photographs of statues of Apollo and Aphrodite.